Should I make any changes to the way I handle my money?
I'm 18 and am a full-time student in my first year of college, and I have a consistent part-time job—in addition to two side hustles. I currently make about $370/week ($1480/month). I will be a part-time student come September, and plan to become full-time at my job starting early this May, which will increase my earnings to about $600/week ($2400/month). Here's some basic information about my finances:
Monthly expenses (gas, food, transportation, misc.): $300-$400
Debt: N/A
Savings: Capital One High-Yield Savings (3.40% APY): $3000, Capital One Checking: $933
-> This savings account serves as my emergency fund (though I do keep most of the money in my checking account in it when not in use). I've kept it liquid, as many people recommend, but my situation right now is quite stable and I'm not opposed to reducing the fund in order to make some investments.
Credit: Experian 701 (6 Inquiries), Equifax 730 (3 Inquiries), TransUnion 727 (4 Inquiries)
Credit Cards & Limits: Discover It ($1800), Synchrony Bank Venmo ($2000), Capital One Quicksilver Secured ($200), American Express Blue Cash Preferred ($1000) — Total Limit: $5000
-> I am expecting to be approved for a limit of at least $1500 on my Quicksilver card after I receive my $200 security deposit back in late June/early July. For the AMEX card, I will be requesting a credit increase after two months of ownership. I also plan to apply for the Chase Freedom Flex sometime during the summer, as I'm at 4/24 currently, and I've opened a Chase Total checking account in preparation. I will also be able to receive a $200 bonus from that account when I enroll in direct deposit.
-> I know I've applied for a lot of credit, but I really don't need any of it. I just want to have some no-annual-fee cards that will provide me with a high base average credit age so that my score takes less of a hit when I apply for cards farther down the line. I will be downgrading the Amex BCP to the Amex BCE after the first annual fee in 2 years. Next year, I will do enough grocery shopping to justify the one annual fee so that the $95 doesn't sting.
-> I've also signed up for direct deposit with Wells Fargo and qualified for their $300 bonus, which should be credited to me in about a month, when the 90-day evaluation period elapses.
Investments: Fidelity Roth IRA: $100 (VOO)
--
I am very lucky to not have student debt/installment loans of any kind, and I live at home and have essentially no expenses—beyond those mentioned above. I don't pay for health or car insurance, and I feel like I should be capitalizing on my privileged situation. My job is actually a paid apprenticeship in a pretty niche field, and I think doing both an apprenticeship and working towards a debt-free degree simultaneously is a good use of my time. I think I have a pretty good handle on responsible credit usage, and I save over half of what I make, but investing my money is where I come up short. There is such a wealth of opinions and advice on the internet about investing, and it feels like everybody has a different view. However, I know I would kick myself later in life if I didn't take advantage of compounding interest now, so I opened a Roth IRA last week. I've been thinking of trying to max it out and then dollar-cost averaging any remaining money that I make (keeping enough to maintain my current monthly spend) into a non-tax-advantaged investment account, probably also into an ETF tracking the S&P500, but I feel like I'm just regurgitating YouTube financial advice, and I wonder if I'm going about this the right way. Any and all replies are greatly appreciated! I'm happy to expand on anything, please just ask. :)

** Need 10+ more people to sign up by tomorrow night 31/03/2023 so I can finish in the Top 2 of the Webull referral competition, hence why I'm not gaining anything directly from you signing up as I will be giving you my full referral rewards cause the prize will outweigh the rewards I get! *\*
Message me here on Reddit (Or comment down below and I will message you) and I will send you my how-to guide and sign up links.
When you're done, I will personally send you another $180 (All my referral rewards from you signing up) via PayID, PayPal or bank transfer, bringing the total to $360 for you.
Message me once you've deposited the $1 and verified your account, and i will send you the $180 when I receive my referral rewards on the Webull app.
This is completely legitimate platform and Webull is registered and licensed in Australia.
Webull have recently arrived down under and are offering lucrative sign up bonuses…it's not really a bonus, it's as close to a free money as possible haha.
The reason they are doing this it to gain market share and hopefully for them a small percentage of the people that originally sign up stay on and become long term users/customers.
You can withdraw the funds in AUD to your Aussie bank account and never use Webull again if you want!

Fold provides daily bitcoin (satoshi) rewards. Includes free weekly withdrawals to external wallets (50k sat minimum).
No purchase necessary- though you’ll earn even more rewards through BTC back on everyday purchases with the fold prepaid card.
The rewards: 1. (Free) Fold features a daily spin reward for a chance to win up to 1mill sats (.01 BTC)

1. Receive bitcoin back on various gift card purchases (2.5%+ on amazon 😍 7%+ on doordash🥳 3%+ on uber🚘, Instacart and many more) - gift cards are digital and available to redeem instantly!
   
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Additionally - Purchase Bitcoin directly in the fold app! Transferable after 3 days to external wallets! 0 additional fees for the spin+ tier (even the mining fee is covered)
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To receive 20,000 free sats after signing up for the spin (free tier) or spin+ (paid tier) debit card!

Raise your voices.

But in a civil way.

Seriously, we need to be heard. I don't know how much Phreak is listening to our posts or comments, but we need to represent the target group of these changes.
But make sure to stay civil and try to reason cautiously and not rant, like much of the League community would, in our situation. Sending death threads to Phreak doesn't help anyone and is absolutely unnecessary.
Phreak, in case you read this; We deeply respect your will to help us. Don't listen to the crybabies, that are actively insulting you, because you try to help them.
Still, please keep in mind, that most of this sub is against your recent changes. I honestly didn't see any true Azir "mains" liking the direction he is going, some are hopeful of future changes at best - This shouldn't be the case. This doesn't justify certain behavior at all, but definitely explains it.
Again, I unironically really thank you for your efforts, even if the recent changes made me enjoy playing Azir and the game less. (Insert typical "i can finally quit league" copypasta. /s)
There is a clear line between constructive criticism and nonsensical rants. I really hope you don't hold back to answer us here on azirmains, because you expect us to immediately "insult" you, instead of trying to reason.
In case some of you want to know my opinion on his changes:
While I think, that reverting the "rebalancing" of the last few patches would be the most healthy thing for Azir, I definitely support the nerfs to his base-health and base-mana. And while I understand the mana-increase to his Q, I would dislike to be forced to max W first every game. (More on that whole dilemma at the end of the post.)
Like all of you, I have my subjective opinions and hopes for the champion. If I could design Azir, I would nerf his health and armor to the ground, while preserving the rest of his kit. This would without a doubt reduce his pro-play presence, but would still maintain his skill-ceiling. I, like many others, would love to be this "jack-of-all-trades"-glasscannon, that Azir is trying to present.
I hope, I can help in dimming all the hate, that is going around, specifically in the case of Phreak.
The last thing I want to add to this grim post is something positive; Phreak's drastic approach to the "Max Q or W first"-discussion is the probably best possible thing he could've done in that regard. Since this is another discussion, I made it into a separate post to bring attention to that topic.
Thanks for reading through all this and I hope you have a great day. (Special thanks to Phreak, if you actually read it!) :)
Stay strong fellow pigeons

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Selling my sets for below mentioned price in items.
Feel free to add me/discuss.
Why u should trust me ?
Sold over 1000 TI6/TI7/TI8/TI9/TI10/Nemestice/Aghanim's/Diretide 2022 Collector's
Proof of gifting Caches Sets?
Check comments on my profile & check their inventory for my sets gifted by me.
Buyer always goes first or we can use middleman from this Sub.
Also, why would scam ? I got like 800+ cache sets to sell.
Profile https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198107212373

Diretide 2022 Collector's Cache

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Shadowleaf Insurgent	Hoodwink	20+	$15
Scarlet Subversion	Riki	20+	$15
Whippersnapper	Snapfire	20+	$10
Hounds of Obsession	Chen	20+	$10
Seadog's Stash	Clockwork	20+	$10
Starlorn Adjudicator	Dawnbreaker	20+	$15
Spoils of the Shadowveil	Spectre	20+	$15
Chines of the Inquisitor	Faceless Void	20+	$10
Trophies of the Hallowed Hunt	Ursa	20+	$10
Crimson Dawn	Phoenix	20+	$10
Forgotten Station	Terrorblade	20+	$15
Dirge Amplifier	Undying	20+	$15
Champion of the Fire Lotus	Monkey King	20+	$10
Deathstitch Shaman	Witch Doctor	20+	$10
Blue Horizons	Marci	20+	$30
Angel of Vex	Invoker	20+	$35
Dark Behemoth	Primal Beast	20+	$50

Aghanim's 2021 Collector's Cache

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Silverwurm Sacrifice	Dragon Knight	22	$20
Scales of the Shadow Walker	Phantom Lancer	23	$15
Perception of the First Light	Dawnbreaker	22	$15
Apex Automated	Clockwerk	22	$15
Test of the Basilisk Lord	Razor	25	$10
Secrets of the Frost Singularity	Ancient Apparition	23	$8
Perils of the Red Banks	Chen	22	$10
The Chained Scribe	Grimstroke	24	$10
Widow of the Undermount Gloom	Broodmother	23	$10
Forgotten Fate	Mars	22	$5
March of the Crackerjack Mage	Rubick	24	$10
Cosmic Concoctioneers	Alchemist	23	$20
Days of the Demon	Axe	22	$10
Blightfall	Abaddon	23	$15
Pyrexae Polymorph Perfected	Ogre Magi	25	$35
Wrath of the Celestial Sentinel	Chaos Knight	8	$60

Nemestice Collector's Cache 2021

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Twilight Hex	Dark Willow	23	15$
Litany of the Damned	Doom	24	15$
Astral Terminus	Enigma	23	10$
Caerulean Star	Enchantress	22	8$
Arcane Inverter	Gyrocopter	22	20$
Creed of the Skullhound	Lycan	22	25$
Desert Bloom	Nature's Prophet	23	20$
Silence of the Starweaver	Oracle	23	10$
Eyriebound Imperator	Skywrath Mage	23	10$
Anthozoan Assault	Tiny	23	25$
Vision of the Seraph Scion	Vengeful Spirit	23	35$
Defender of the Brumal Crest	Winter Wyvern	10	10$
Red Sands Marauder	Shadow Shaman	23	20$
Indomitable Legacy	Sven	23	60$
Footfalls of the Sporefathers	Witch Doctor	12	60$

Collector's Cache I 2020

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Ravenous Abyss	Underlord	20+	$10
Apocalypse Unbound	AA	20+	$10
Beholden of the Banished Ones	Warlock	20+	$5
Fury of the Righteous Storm	Disruptor	20+	$5
Lineage of the Stormlords	Juggernaut	20+	$35
Silent Slayer	Silencer	20+	$10
Mindless Slaughter	Pudge	20+	$20
Heartless Hunt	Bounty	20+	$10
Herald of the Ember Eye	Grimstroke	20+	$10
Fissured Flight	Jakiro	20+	$5
Flashpoint Proselyte	Husker	20+	$15
Signs of the Allfather	Nature prophet	20+	$15
Glory of the Elderflame	Lina	20+	$25
Lineage of the Stormlords	Juggernaut	6	$35
Origin of the Dark Oath	Night Stalker	6	$25
Songs of Starfall Glen	Enchantress	20+	$5
Ancient Inheritance	Tiny	20+	$30
Forsworn Legacy	mars	20+	$50

Collector's Cache II 2020

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Evolution of the Infinite	Enigma	20+	$6
Beast of the Crimson Ring	bristle back	20+	$10
Clearcut Cavalier	Timber	20+	$6
The King Of Thieves	Keeper of light	20+	$10
Horror from the Deep	Tide	20+	$20
Ire of the Ancient Gaoler	Arc warden	20+	$25
Talons of the Endless Storm	chaos knight	20+	$15
Carousal of the Mystic Masquerade	Rubick	20+	$6
Crown of Calaphas	Shadow demon	20+	$10
Wrath of the Fallen	doom	20+	$20
Blacksail Cannoneer	Sniper	20+	$10
Secrets of the Celestial 📷	Skywrath mage	20+	$5
Blaze of Oblivion	Phoenix	20+	$6
Steward of the Forbidden Chamber	Templar Assassin	20+	$25
Claszureme Incursion	Void	20+	70$

Collector's Cache 2019

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Echoes of the Everblack	Abaddon	19	15$
Paean of the Ink Dragon	Grimstroke	18	10$
Scorched Amber	Dragon Knight	20	20$
Allure of the Faeshade Flower	Dark Willow	1 M*	25$
Priest of the Proudsilver Clan	Chen	18	10$
The Arts of Mortal Deception	Enigma	21	10$
Poacher's Bane	Tidehunter	20	10$
Soul of the Brightshroud	Death Prophet	21	10$
Curse of the Creeping Vine	Undying	21	20$
Appetites of the Lizard King	Slark	18	25$
Riddle of the Hierophant	Oracle	20	10$
Defender of Ruin	Disruptor	22	25$

​

Collector's Cache II 2019

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Sight of the Kha-Ren Faithful	Drow Ranger	31	15$
Tribal Pathways	Warlock	30	10$
Directive of the Sunbound	Clockwerk	31	10$
Endless Night	Abaddon	30	10$
Dapper Disguise	Pudge	27	15$
Fury of the Bloodforge	Bloodseeker	30	10$
Automaton Antiquity	Broodmother	31	10$
Grim Destiny	Wraith King	29	10$
Distinguished Expeditionary	Tusk	30	10$
Verdant Predator	Venomancer	31	10$
Prized Acquisitions	Batrider	31	5$
Fowl Omen	Necrophos	34	30$

The International 2018 Collector's Cache I

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Trail of the Sanguine Spectrum	Bloodseeker	20	8$
Insights of the Sapphire Shroud	Dark Seer	18	4$
Pillar of the Fractured Citadel	Spirit Breaker	21	$5
Stonemarch Sovereign	Wraith King	21	$15
The Murid Divine	Necrophos	22	15$
Primer of the Sapper's Guile	Techies	22	10$
Molokau Stalker	Venomancer	21	$10
Morbific Provision	Witch Doctor	22	10$
Raptures of the Abyssal Kin	Queen of Pain	20	15$
Grasp of the Riven Exile	Weaver	20	5$

The International 2018 Collector's Cache II

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Pitmouse Fraternity	Meepo	37	10$
Fires of the Volcanic Guard	Ember Spirit	37	10$
Shackles of the Enduring Conscript	Axe	37	6$
Shimmer of the Anointed	Nyx Assassin	29	5$
Loaded Prospects	Brewmaster	39	15$
Ire of Molten Rebirth	Phoenix	36	10$
Pattern of the Silken Queen	Broodmother	26	5$
The Rat King	Chen	28	10$
Raiments of the Obsidian Forge	Underlord	22	20$

The International 2017 Collector's Cache

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Eternal Testament	Death prophet M*	19	15$
Rumrunner's Carronade	Brew master	20	15$
Abyssal Vortex	Enigma	27	10$
Samareen Sacrifice	Huskar	22	10$
Pressure Regulator	Clockwerk M*	24	20$
Spoils of the Vodou Rover	Witch Doctor	27	10$
Shadowforce Gale	Luna	24	10$
Mechalodon Interdictor	Gyrocopter	27	10$
The Dread Prophet	Nature's Prophet	23	20$
Cunning Corsair	Riki	24	20$

The International 2016 Collector's Cache

Set name	Hero	Quantity	$$
Rising Glory	Magnus	1 M*	20$
Nightsilver's Resolve	luna	2 M* dtygod*	20$
Oni Knight the Dark Conqueror	Chaos Knight	2 dtygod* dopey*	20$

I am no longer entertaining joy riders so I prefer you give $3 in items when u add me as deposit.
Those $3 will be subtracted from you're total sets cost.
Don't add me if you don't like the prices.
​

• prices are subject to change.*
• sets may go out of stock even if you're waiting for one if someone else buys it before you.*

*if you don't reserve the sets.

PCPartPicker Part List

Type	Item	Price
CPU	AMD Ryzen 7 7700X 4.5 GHz 8-Core Processor	$337.97 @ Amazon
CPU Cooler	EK EK-Nucleus AIO CR240 Lux D-RGB 72 CFM Liquid CPU Cooler	$149.99 @ Amazon
Motherboard	Asus ROG STRIX X670E-E GAMING WIFI ATX AM5 Motherboard	$482.68 @ Amazon
Memory	TEAMGROUP T-Force Delta RGB 32 GB (2 x 16 GB) DDR5-6400 CL40 Memory	$143.99 @ Amazon
Storage	TEAMGROUP T-Force Cardea A440 Pro 4 TB M.2-2280 PCIe 4.0 X4 NVME Solid State Drive	$379.99 @ Amazon
Video Card	Gigabyte GAMING OC Radeon RX 7900 XTX 24 GB Video Card	$1049.99 @ B&H
Power Supply	SeaSonic FOCUS Plus Platinum 850 W 80+ Platinum Certified Fully Modular ATX Power Supply	$174.99 @ B&H
Operating System	Microsoft Windows 11 Pro Retail - Download 64-bit	$199.00 @ Newegg
Case Fan	be quiet! Silent Wings Pro 4 83.9 CFM 120 mm Fan	$31.90 @ Amazon
Case Fan	be quiet! Silent Wings Pro 4 83.9 CFM 120 mm Fan	$31.90 @ Amazon
Case Fan	be quiet! Silent Wings Pro 4 83.9 CFM 120 mm Fan	$31.90 @ Amazon
Case Fan	be quiet! Silent Wings Pro 4 83.9 CFM 120 mm Fan	$31.90 @ Amazon
Case Fan	be quiet! Silent Wings Pro 4 83.9 CFM 120 mm Fan	$31.90 @ Amazon
Case Fan	be quiet! Silent Wings Pro 4 83.9 CFM 120 mm Fan	$31.90 @ Amazon
Monitor	Lenovo Legion Y25-25 24.5" 1920 x 1080 240 Hz Monitor	$199.99 @ Best Buy
Monitor	LG 32GQ850-B 32.0" 2560 x 1440 240 Hz Monitor	$596.99 @ Amazon
Keyboard	DROP CTRL RGB Wired Gaming Keyboard	$220.00 @ Amazon
Keyboard	Corsair K65 60% RGB Wired Mini Keyboard	Purchased For $74.89
Mouse	SteelSeries Rival 600 Wired Optical Mouse	$37.00 @ Amazon
Headphones	Logitech G733 Headset	$139.99 @ Amazon
Webcam	Logitech BRIO Ultra HD Pro Webcam	$127.69 @ Amazon
Webcam	Elgato Facecam Premium Webcam	$129.99 @ Best Buy
Custom	Razer RZ06-02250100-R3U1 Wolverine Ultimate Gaming, Customizable Controller With 6 Programmable Buttons, Compatible with Xbox One	-
Custom	upHere 5V 3-pin Addressable RGB Graphics Card GPU Brace Support Holder,Support Video Card Sag HoldeHolster Bracket-GL28ARGB	$13.99 @ Amazon
Custom	Elgato Key Light AirProfessional LED panel with 1400 lumens, multi-layer diffusion technology, App-Enabled, colortemperature adjustable for Mac/Windows/iPhone/Android	$109.99 @ Amazon
Custom	PBT Keycaps Side/Front Print Cherry MX Key Caps Non-Backlit Black Gray Key Set with Keycaps Puller for 87/104/108 MX Switches ANSI Mechanical Gaming Keyboard	$28.99 @ Amazon
Custom	Elgato Wave:3 – USB Condenser Microphone and Digital Mixer for Streaming, Recording, Podcasting - Clipguard, Capacitive Mute, Plug & Play for PC/Mac	$119.99 @ Amazon
Custom	CableMod RT-Series PRO ModFlex Cable Kit for ASUS and Seasonic - Black/RED [cm-PRTS-FKIT-KKR-R]	$99.90 @ Amazon
Custom	Corsair MM700 RGB Extended Cloth Gaming Mouse Pad	$59.99 @ Amazon
Custom	Razer Ergonomic Wrist Rest for Tenkeyless Keyboards: Plush Leatherette Memory Foam Cushion - Anti-Slip Rubber Feet	$19.98 @ Amazon
Custom	Glorious PC Gaming Race Coiled Cable Nebula, USB-C auf USB-A Spiralkabel - 1,37m (schwarz)	$49.99
Custom	Elgato Wave Mic Arm LP – Low Profile Swivel Boom, Hidden Cable Channels, All-Metal, Versatile Desk Clamp, 1/4“-3/8“-5/8“ Mic Mounts, Studio, Broadcast, Streaming, Work from Home, Professional	$79.99
Custom	Thermal Paste, SYY 5 Grams CPU Paste Thermal Compound Paste Heatsink for IC/ProcessoCPU/All Coolers, 15.7W/m.k Carbon Based High Performance, Thermal Interface Material, CPU Thermal Paste	$7.99 @ Amazon
Custom	Thermalright Fan HUB Controller REV. A Fan Hub Support 10 Groups of Fans, 10-Port 4 Pin PC Fan Controller, 12V Fan Hub, Strong Paste + Magnetic Suction, SATA Power Cord Direct Input	$6.99 @ Amazon
Custom	XVX Pudding Keycaps - PBT Keycaps,165 Key Set Double Shot PBT Keycap, OEM Profile Custom Keycap, Compatible with a Wide Range of Mechanical Keyboards, English (US) Layout (Black Phantom Keyca	Purchased For $14.99
	Prices include shipping, taxes, rebates, and discounts
	Total	$5249.32
	Generated by PCPartPicker 2023-03-29 21:01 EDT-0400

My dearest
I hope one day
These letters make it to your mailbox
Or perhaps, you’ll find them in a bookstore
During your search for something familiar
As my words sit sheepishly amongst the rest
Would you recognize the name you dragged through the mud?
I hope so love
Maybe then you’d know
How hard it was to keep smiling without you
How many times I almost quit
Will you then understand that I loved you?
In the honest sense, not as a child
But we were children
Children grow and learn
So maybe I wasn’t right for you
And the war I wage to find you again
Does little more than dig our trenches deeper
If you were to cut your finger on the edges of these letters
Would your fingerprints blemish the same pages I bled to write?
If you licked that wound clean
Would the memories stain red upon your sharp tongue?
They do for mine
I know you don’t like cinnamon
So I decided to taste like it
A subtle reminder
You can forgive me
But you will not forget
https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/comments/12656l8/withheld/je7stxw/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3
https://www.reddit.com/OCPoetry/comments/1263idf/envious_of_the_happy_only_recently_started/je7t65o/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

(Click on the blue links to see images/videos. Maybe it's easier to read the story on my profile where images/videos could be displayed directly in the post.)
Here's a story in memory of my baby, Google Pixel 7 Pro, pre-ordered on its birthday. I loved it. It was amazing in every way for me. I knew this was going to be a baby I would keep for years to come. I also knew with certainty that my next baby would also be a Google Pixel.
Maybe I just loved my baby too much. It probably couldn't handle it. All of a sudden, 2 days ago (5 months after its birth), with no prior warning, it showed signs to be really sick. Ah, this was a sickness so sad I felt it deep in my heart and literally had to cry. We all know how the blue screen of death can be quite annoying. But, let me tell you, the green screen of death can't even compare. The worst part is that it promises a slow but guaranteed death, which the blue one doesn't. This was what my baby was experiencing, but I wasn't aware of it at the time, so I just continued showing it all the love and care in the world. That's what you do to your baby, right?
To begin with, some parts of the baby's eyes flickered green when attempting to open them. I tried my best to reassure my baby that everything would be just fine. A few hours later, it was a gambling game whether the eyes would open. Maybe it would work after 8 attempts. Eventually, the sickness spread further. Now it was no longer just when the eyes opened up. No, streams of tears started to appear out of nowhere and were stuck on the eyes for each letter they read.
This started to get kind of scary. What is happening to you, my baby? I contacted the medical center. They wanted me to try to figure out if this was caused by something I had recently fed it. They said something about "safe mode". Huh. I had to put my baby to sleep to enter that safe mode, right? So I did. The fun thing is I got my answer even before entering that mysterious world. See, this was my first time going on a wild adventure like this and I was clueless. While my baby was asleep and recharging, the eyes suddenly lit up. Green flickering again. Ah, there we have the answer. Food had certainly not poisoned it.
Health care seemed convinced and said they would do further research. My baby got slightly worse during the day and the next, but I didn't think too much about it and hoped it would be recovered by the upcoming morning.
Today was a new day. While my baby didn't have symptoms of having gotten any worse overnight, it was in the same condition. After some breakfast, I brought it with me to the gym. Oh, how much I regret that now. I bet it couldn't stand all the smell. Do you remember the gambling game I mentioned earlier? 5 minutes before my gym session was over, that game was worse than ever before. I had to sit there for an entire minute trying to open its eyes again. It eventually worked. For a minute, I thought I had lost my baby for good. The first thing I did was take a speedrun into the brain configurations and set the eyes to not close before after 30 minutes. The next speedrun I did was straight home. I found the first-aid kit right away and tried saving all the valuable memories I could. It was clear how terribly sick my baby was at this point.
Fortunately, most of the memories were already backed up in the cloud. The rest took a few minutes to extract. It all worked flawlessly. Phew. I managed to save everything, but before I was able to spend some last quality-time with my baby, I did a horrible mistake. By reflex, I closed its eyes when I was finished. Oh, dear. I spent 3 minutes trying CPR to no avail. They were shut for good.
It was time to realize that my baby's time had come too early. To prevent that our valuable memories are exploited in potential future lab-rat experiments, I was able to connect remotely through Find My Baby and erase them all. I am really glad I had configured this brilliant technology beforehand.
Now I'm sad. The medical center has been very helpful, and the life insurance can be redeemed, but I'm left with a tough choice. Should I get a new Google Pixel 7 Pro baby, which is what I really want after falling such in love with my previous one, or should I listen to my fear for this to happen again and try a fruit brand instead this time? I crave your wisdom.

First Prev
Memory transcription subject: Professor Tevest, FTL Researcher
Date [standardized human time]: November 5, 2136
I didn’t wake up to my alarm this morning. My nerves had pulled me from sleep well before it was supposed to go off. I was staring at the ceiling while Virnix still slept soundly beside me. Eventually, I resigned that I wasn’t going back to sleep and pulled myself from the bed. Making my way downstairs I entered the kitchen and flipped on the lights.
First challenge of the day: Breakfast. Going through the kitchen I tried to make out my options. The fridge included an assortment of leafy greens, fruits every color of the rainbow, and a few different kinds of root-based plants. My search of the pantry had yielded a loaf of bread, some kind of milled grain, various bags of humans snacks, amongst other foodstuffs. Eventually, I settled on the bread and some kind of round orange fruit.
I found that the bread was fluffier than I was used to, but not unpleasant. As I began to inspect the fruit, I heard the sound of claws clicking across the floor.
“You’re up early,” Virnix called out behind me.
I picked at the fruit as she came up behind me. “Couldn’t sleep,” I sighed.
“What are you eating?”
“Bread and… whatever this is called.” Puncturing the fruit with a claw revealed that there was some sticky juice inside. “The kids?”
She sat down and grabbed a slice of bread. “Still asleep. They were up too late last night exploring the house.”
We sat quietly as we ate. After my first bite of the fruit, I decided to peel off the rest of the rind. The botanists may say the peels are good for you, but what do they know? They seem to change their stance on what to eat every few months.
“When do you need to be to work?” Virnix asked as I popped the last piece of fruit into my mouth.
I glanced at the clock on the wall for a few moments before giving up and checking the time my pad. “I need to be there in about two hours. I’m planning on leaving after I’m done eating” I rinsed my paws in the sink and looked to her. She was staring silently at the bread. “Is everything alright?” I asked.
She looked down. “I’m fine,” she said softly. “Just… be safe today, okay. Promise me that.”
I put my hand on her shoulder. “I promise.” I stepped to the door and rested it on the handle. Don’t put this off, just push through this. “I’ll be home later tonight. I love you.” I turned the handle and forced myself outside.
As the door clicked closed behind me, I heard one final thing.
It sounded like: “I love you too.”
There weren’t many other cars on the road as I traveled. The city seemed to be mostly still asleep. Maybe I didn’t need to leave quite so early. Well, worst case scenario, they’ll just have me wait around. Who knows what they’re going to do if I’m late? Right now I had to prove two things. First was that I was going to be useful. Second was that I wasn’t going to cause problems.
Simply put, I had to prove to the Humans that I was worth keeping my family safe here.
The car slowed to a stop outside an entrance label in Human script which my data pad translated to: ‘CERN Employee Entrance’.
Just like the paper said. I stepped from the car and pushed the doors to the building open. As I entered, my nose picked up some kind of wet odor it couldn’t identify. Behind a counter, a bulbous Human was seated scrolling through a data pad like my own. He looked up and spoke. “Wow, that’s new… there something you need?”
What’s wrong with his eyes? Is he feral?!? No, if he was feral he’d be attacking me right now. FOCUS TEVEST! Stay calm, and look like you know what you’re doing. “Yes, I’m new here. I’m Tevest, I was told to ask where to go from here.”
“Uhh, yeah, okay, new hire then,” he mumbled. He pulled open a drawer and rummaged through it. “Let me see, here. New hires. Tevest.” He pulled a sheet of paper from the drawer and slid it across the table. “I’m supposed to give you this. You, uhh, need anything else?”
I grabbed the paper. “I-I should be good. Thank you.” I scurried from the room, not wanted to spend a second longer with this Human than I had to. Once I was well out of sight, I read the paper I was given. It looked like I was supposed to meet someone called ‘Dr. Backlund’. Next to her name was something that looked like a building number.
This wasn’t going to be too bad. If I could navigate around my old University back on The Cradle, I could find a building here with time to spare.
As I trekked around the campus, I began to get the distinct impression that I was lost. If there was an order to the buildings, it eluded me. The fact that I had to keep pulling out my pad every few minutes to read the language wasn’t helping either. Simultaneously, I felt that I was going in a straight line and going in a circle.
I spied a bench by the doors of a building and sat down, trying to get my bearings. Was this the same brown and grey building I passed 5 minutes ago or a different one? That blue sign with the line and the dot, that was part of their alphabet. Perhaps an abbreviation?
It was time to admit defeat and ask for help. Maybe I should just go back the way I came and ask the man at the desk for help….
I looked around. Which way was the front office again?
Where’s a human when you need one?
As if summoned, a human holding a white paper sack exited the building next to me. As I came into her field of view, she stopped short and stared at me. “Excuse me, would you by any chance be Tevest?”
Why is it that every stranger I meet seems to know who I am? It’s not fair. “That’s me. I’m terribly sorry to bother you but I’m lost. Can you help me find where I’m supposed to go.”
Her face contorted into a scowl. Did I say something wrong? Did I offend her? The Arxur cull the weak, but Humans don’t do that, right?
“Lazy little morons.” she growled. “I’m going to need have a chat with the front office about this.”
My spines started to rise. “I-I’m sorry I got lost. I won’t let it happen again.” I stammered.
Her face softened. “I’m not mad that you’re lost, that’s perfectly understandable. I’m mad they sent you out here to wander alone with zero directions.” She sighed, “They should have called me when you got here. I didn’t expect you to be an hour early.”
My mind began put together the pieces. “Are you Dr. Backlund”?
“In the flesh.”
My spines fell. “Huh, guess I wasn’t lost after all.”
“No, you’re definitely lost. This is a cafeteria,” she said, holding up her bag. “We got time, do you want to get something to eat?”
“I uh, ate before I came.”
“In that case, let’s get going. I’m excited to pick that brain of yours.”
Do all their idioms involve eating people? I thought as I rose to follow her.
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They rode by night, sleeping what little they could in the hours before dawn each day. The land to the west seemed of little value: A stretch of flat, leveled desolation, overcome with dieback, wherein nothing flourished.
The sky hung in a low dark firmament all around them, star-spattered and electric. In the distance lightning strobed noiselessly and with such frequency that the tandem peals of thunder seemed dissonant, and altogether disconnected. The men watched in silence. The horses skittered and squealed nervously, bearing the stark white alabaster plates of their teeth in fear.
Osmand spoke of the natural world. Drafting with alacrity an overview of the universe and its slighter intricacies. That the destiny of the world had been decided at it's inception.
"The earth in all her glory lacks agency. Stones tumble where they are given. And the mind of man is much the same."
Elahan spat. "That's your way of it. Besides, it was not meant that man should know the order of the sky. Much less what is was like to do."
"Ever the lowly farmer seeks to predict the rain." Osmand answered in confidence. "And the turn of seasons is no idle thing. The moon wanes in regularity. If it was not man's place to know, then he has no right place at all. For what sober god in all his grand accounting would grant unto his children the gift and grace of curiosity, only to admonish them for pursuing it?"
The terrified horses dandled the riders in their saddles, and in the dark they resembled a pair of hopeless marionettes, driven to animus by their unseen creator.
"I'll not contest you in your blasphemies. Speak to me no more of this."
Osmand yielded the point with a delicate diplomacy, saying that the question had been put forth in earnest, and that all human knowledge was, in truth, based on speculation.
​
The parasitic root rot, who's genus had been so long in the ascendant, now faded, and gave way to subtle growth. The foliage thriving and expanding like a castigated people in refuge. The rising tide of flora greeted them from every turn. At first it merely choked their progress, then bloomed full, into a forest.
The treeline now before them stretched in a fixity for either direction until its boundaries were lost along the horizon: no right place where they might enter it, each possibility a replica of the one considered before. Everywhere a massive tangle of oaks and jungle vine and the deep seething pulse of life coming off the trees, as if somewhere deep in the heart of the glade lay something enormous and alive and breathing.
They followed a thin game-trail paved with the unshod hoof prints of wild ungulates, and the dainty tracks of smaller mammals in their goings. Surrounding them was a variety of foliage neither man could name, and from time to time Osmand would halt and dismount and press some exceptional flora between the pages of his notebooks. Much the botanist, he scrawled greedily for them names of his own invention.
The horses seemed at ease in this place, trotting alongside one another with their heads bent close and snickering like two brothers conversing. They browsed at their leisure on wild patches of grass that had never suffered the footfall of man. Elahan by contrast seemed ill-suited for this leg of the journey. He regarded the surroundings with open distrust, as if something lurid dithered in the fantasy of flowers that attended them.
At twilight they erected camp on the banks of a weak and shallow stream. They kept an enormous fire with which to combat the darkness. Osmand sat revising from his tomes tdhe days collection; Elahan alternately prayed and stood watch.
druids now emerged from the brush with little fanfare. A trio of filthy, painted hominids, denizens of a fevered dream. Blue-faced and solemn, clutching heavy lithic spears like troglodytic cave-dwellers. One of them was a woman and she alone had draped a withered deerskin around her waist with which to protect her modesty. The men bore antlered crowns and cloaks bedecked with bright feathers and money-shells and little black stones on a string bore through the center with god knows what. They stood just within the outer dark, like fugitive shades, as if in the warmth of the fire's embrace malingered something alien to them.
Elahan stood and unclipped the handle of his sword and watched them without speaking. Osmand sat motionless before the fire, a notebook slipping from his hand.
He was certain that if they spoke it would be no common tongue at all, until one of their numbers stepped forward, declaiming, "The outsider is much like the locust. Though oft appearing in small numbers, the swarm is sure to follow. Know that you are transgressors. We would have you leave this place."
Their pronunciations were characterized by a rough guttural utterance, and they spoke with little tact. They were altogether innocent of civilized trappings. Their matted hair fell in clutches.
Elahan in his resplendent armor seemed altogether luminous in the radiance of the animate flame. He looked like some otherworldly redeemer, and they as the set of lowly heathens he had come to scatter. "And who are you," He said, "That you might deny us passage? Surely the wood is no mans domain."
"And yet you incinerate her boughs, as if this was your claim. The arsonist is an enemy, and unwelcome. Besides, we are envoys of the Arch-Druid, the Druid-Mother, The Lady Aradia, who is keeper of this sacred place."
Elahan regarded them dimly, his brow raised in speculation. "Sacred? You mean to say you worship the woods in this place?"
Osmand snapped shut his book and secreted it away among the folds of his robe and stood. "You mean to say you are druids?" His eyes shone intensely.
"Where else might you best commune with that which made you? The true state of the world is a green expanse, in which flowers hold dominion. Would you have us believe that quartered stone is most pleasing to the eye? If you had not consumed this lie from birth, you would recognize its strangeness."
"In spite of this, I have seen in my life strangeness enough." Elahan said.
"And close at hand." Osmand quipped.
The druid continued. "It is a desecration of the mothers flesh. You gather her teeth in little piles. You wear her bones proudly upon your breast."
Elahan scowled. "You would have us worshiping the bones instead? You court damnation, truly."
"You, who have removed yourself from the ecology of your fathers, would lecture us? To remove yourself from the wheel is a fate worse than death. It is we who are reborn a thousand times."
"Aye, but none as slugs." Said Osmand, who had been widely read on the many and varied theories of druidic incarnation. "You in your conceit have been the bear, or stag, or noble lion. But which among you has been the wretched squealing boar?"
Of the two druids who had not spoken, the woman now stepped forward. "Perhaps your companion. Surely he is like enough to satisfy you."
Elahan scoffed, and drew himself up proudly.
"A thousand pagan tongues have cursed me. Like the faintest rays of sunlight upon the water, are the idle words of savages reflected."
At this the druids bristled. They clutched up their spears and the one who had remained silent thus far now emerged into a fierce ululation.
Their leader seemed to be considering the insult. "Savages? You, who reek with the vapor of smoke, would lecture us on civility?"
None spoke. A falcon sounded overheard, its voice thin and lost among the cirrus.
"No man restricts my movement. And any who seek to do so will know the truth of my faith."
Osmand now stepped forward. A thin band of solid orange flame coalesced around him, and the druids sprang back in surprise.
At this, a large and regal cat that had been lazing and watching these proceedings without apparent interest now stood and stretched and yammered loudly. The druids turned, regarding the animal with a certain deferential expression. For whatever reason, the druids refused to parley further, and sank wordlessly back into the woods. The cat now likewise retreated.
The ovate track of fire he had summoned now dissipated harmlessly, leaving him wavering slightly on his feet. He regarded the forest with a newfound weariness.
"I wasnt sure what all could be done to enhance the perils of our journey. But you seemed to have achieved all relevant possibilities on the matter."
Elahan clasped shut the hilt of his blade. He replied that the children of Mana were subject to none but Him, His Will, and that Osmand had been no still-tongued conciliator himself. Osmand shrugged, and yielded the point with a delicate diplomacy.
​
The days ahead would see them ride west, pursuing in its constant wanderlust the trembling eye of the sun. Navigating the forest highland with their eyes upturned like the primitive devotees of some forgotten solstic faith. Riding by day through stands of flowering golden acacia, and clutches of the pale and sinister moonflower at night. They camped on the banks of a lagoon colored roseate by the evening sun, then blanched white under the moon in its pale circumference as they slept. When they woke an egret was negotiating the break on its thin and slender stilts. It regarded them dimly with it's dull lacquered eyes.
From high on that forest shelf and in the pre-dawn light, they spotted smoke roiling upward in the vast panorama of the valley below. A clutch of flames burned uncontrolled somewhere deep in the heart of the woodland basin.
"Perhaps the druids." Elahan said. "Sat in ambush against us."
Osmand studied the flames in quiet supposition. He shrugged.
"Perhaps." He offered.
Elahan regarded him in vague disgust but spoke no more on the subject. They mounted and rode on. They would descend that morning onto the low valley floor, where they endured with less and less equanimity the constant squabbling of birds, in contest over some perch. Iridescent green boas hung from the low branches like twists of ersatz kudzu. Crouched in the undergrowth were the squat frames of ocelots, where they awaited with great discretion the missteps of more manageable prey. And in the dark, richly-coloured barn owls streaked overhead like faded and ghostly comets.
​
The next day they rode through a mining camp the druids had destroyed. it's laborers had been slaughtered, and deposited along with their implements into the central pit of operation, like so much chaff. Their gore-slaked corpses lay in a great heap at the bottom of that cauldron, wherein all differences had been resolved and none had been granted exception from that communal fate. As if the druids had gone about the massacre like something stipulated long ago by their forefathers, and the miners as the bloodborne legatees come to fulfill that ancestral debt. Some had been scalped, or left with bloodied lidless eyes with which to regard the cycling horizons forever, until they were dried and gone, or eaten from their heads by what carrion beasts lurked beyond the outer wood.

"Oh my God." Elahan said. 

In one corner of the camp stood the miners' meagre dwellings. It was just a clutch of sagging wooden huts sinking back into the mud. Beyond that a goatyard sat empty, the enclosure replete with prints and the dry round droppings of what stock had once populated it. Freshly laid on a table nearby were plates of roasted shoat, and baskets of hardtack, and simple glass carafes filled with meads or beers or wine. As if the two riders had encroached upon some ghostly woodland bacchanal, that could hardly have been said to have existed at all without their witnessing it. As if the spirits of the world gathered here in secret colloquoy, where they might conspire against the mortal realm.
In one of the huts the druids had festooned a man with feather bundles and daubed all along his naked body a number of twisted and outlandish symbols. The man had died on his side with his legs and arms curled against him like some late spider. And frozen in his countenance was a certain madness, and he too had been divested of his eyelids. Such was his state that it seemed as if he'd been no victim of the druids at all, but a hapless wanderer who in his travels had come up against the raw edge of the universe, past which loomed such primordial beings that any mind attempting their encapsulation was left deaf and dumb and gibbering.
"Let's go on." Elahan said.
"What does it say of God, that they might die in this way? Each of these faithful, having lived a storied life..."
"You would know the Will of God?" Elahan answered. "You would know His mind, as you do the will of the stars and moon and stone?"
"I can know only what I see. That this was the long arc of their existence. That they might live, so they could die scrabbling against the walls of that pit like terrified cats."
"Hold your blasphemous tongue. Or I wll have it out."
That was the extent of their counsel. They mounted up and rode on, neither of them keen to stay on in that place.
​
I'd appreciate some help with transitioning between paragraphs and events. Like when the druids first show up. I feel like the transitions are too sudden or jarring.
​
I also am trying to reproduce the style and feel of the bible and ancient history texts, to lend weight to my fantasy world. The story is more about the characters religious changes in response to world events. Id like the plot to be in the background, its more about how the two main characters change as people. Any help on how to achieve this would be helpful because its really hard for me, lol.
​
Thank you for reading.
I also dont know how to format on reddit and im not even on mobile lol

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​
Synopsis:
Juliette Contzen is a lazy, good-for-nothing princess. Overshadowed by her siblings, she's left with little to do but nap, read … and occasionally cut the falling raindrops with her sword. Spotted one day by an astonished adventurer, he insists on grading Juliette's swordsmanship, then promptly has a mental breakdown at the result.
Soon after, Juliette is given the news that her kingdom is on the brink of bankruptcy. At threat of being married off, the lazy princess vows to do whatever it takes to maintain her current lifestyle, and taking matters into her own hands, escapes in the middle of the night in order to restore her kingdom's finances.
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Action, Fantasy, Copious Ohohohohos.
​
Chapter 16: Starry Eyed Alchemist
“Let's see … an alchemy shop … it should be just about … here?”
I was completely lost.
There was a reason I was making Apple trot at slower than walking pace. And it wasn't just because I was very puzzled by why mud appeared to be dripping from that one window over there.
I took in the hodgepodge of buildings around us, feeling for the first time my utter lack of familiarity with our smaller domains.
Rolstein was clearly not the Royal Villa, where every block of quarried stone was carefully measured before being allowed to set. There was little uniformity in this town. Its architecture was a flamboyant mix of differently shaped clay roofs and brightly painted wooden, stone or brick facades, as though each and every dwelling had been designed on a whim and then redesigned that very same evening.
Though it filled me with dread, I'd need to navigate these labyrinths of poor architectural design in the coming days. And I'd need to do so without bellowing high and low that I needed directions in my own homeland.
Fortunately, Coppelia was not a subject of the kingdom! Why, she wasn't even a dignitary, but an assistant librarian. I had no qualms about maximising my use of her. And she in turn could have the joy of assisting me. It was a wonderful, mutually beneficial arrangement for all parties!
Coppelia glanced at me as I subtly stared at her.
“My masterful skills of observation indicate that you seem to want to ask something.”
“Perish the thought. You've been remarkably helpful thus far, and I have no intention of intruding on your cordiality or your clockwork memory of names, places and locations, such as a shop owned by a local alchemist named Marina.”
“Well, okay—”
“But as declining assistance is the height of ill grace, I'd be content to allow you to direct me to my destination while I'm still gathering my bearings.”
I smiled considerately.
Now, fair clockwork maiden, guide me through this maze of poverty!
Coppelia pointed at a building right beside us. And then the signboard next to a pile of cauldrons stacked like salad bowls.
Fresh Potions, Balms & Remedies!
Accredited alchemist inside.
Garden picked and rare herbs for sale.
Loyalty card available. 10% discount on all weekly orders now!
I felt my admiration for Coppelia's skills grow.
Not only could she lift heavy objects, but she could also conjure entire shops right beside us! Indeed, it definitely wasn't because I was blind. No, no, no. Not at all.
“By any chance, do you need something for your eyes?” she asked.
“O-Ohhoho! M-My eyes are perfectly fine, thank you!” I replied, closing the topic with a cough—before bringing my hand over my nose. “... I can't quite say the same about my sense of smell, however. What is that?”
It was a tiny shop that required half of its wares to spill out onto the street.
Even so, the pungent odour wafting from within was more than our three kitchens in the Royal Villa could emit even in the midst of preparing for a large scale function. It was the scent of several witch's gardens being boiled, and that was if they grew manure straight from the ground.
Coppelia sniffed the air.
“Yep. Something died,” she said cheerfully. “Recently.”
“What manner of creature found its end here?”
“The question isn't what. It's how many.”
I shuddered.
Alchemists. They were like mages without the magic. And that meant they had to make up for their insanity with their own hands.
Be that as it may, a princess did not shrink from her duties!
Climbing down from Apple, I left him to chew on a bundle of daisies growing from a cauldron while I rummaged in the satchels for an envelope. Finding it, I headed inside. The door was already wide open, and once I entered, I realised why.
Here, the sheer pungency almost threatened to knock me off my feet.
The effects of a hundreds herbs, plants and dead things dotted on shelves stacked against every wall rushed out to greet me … as did a lilac miasma, which wafted from a room further inside the store.
I coughed while waving my hand furiously—one or the other catching the attention of the young woman peeking her head out from a room billowing with the lilac cloud.
“Good evening!” she said, her arms clearly in the midst of mixing, or perhaps fighting something. “You made it just in time. I was about to close up. What can I do for you?”
She had a bright smile. I wondered how much of that was genuine and how much was simply intoxication from permanent herbal exposure. If she could somehow bottle that lilac miasma, I had no doubt that some of the zanier members of nobility would purchase it in bulk.
I opted not to inform her about this opportunity.
“I'm searching for Marina the alchemist.”
“Oh my! That'd be me. What crime did I do this time, I wonder?”
I paused.
It sounded like a joke. But I couldn't be certain. Not when there were enough ingredients in this store that she could close her eyes and likely create something illicit by accident.
I decided to reserve judgement. For now.
“Salutations. I have a horse named Apple. I was asked to deliver him to you by a barkeeper. He's outside eating your daisies.”
The young woman's arms stopped working. The thickness of the miasma immediately intensified. She let out a note of panic, disappeared from view, and after the sound of crashing pots and pans echoed throughout the store, the hiss of a fire being quenched flooded my ears.
If there was any steam, I wouldn't know. I was blind to my own hands at this point.
Fortunately, I didn't need to see to know where Starlight Grace was!
“[Spring Breeze]!”
In an instant, the lilac cloud poofed out of the open door, ushered by the tip of my sword. A faint fog still remained as I put Starlight Grace away as swiftly as I'd drawn it. Gathering the mist for more than a heartbeat would have resulted in her wares flying in every direction. Including my face.
Of all the things I didn't wish to experience today, eating the dried root of some carrot-like vegetable was most certainly at the top of my priority list.
The next would be to complete this errand as swiftly as possible.
“Oops, I'm—ack-hack-ack-ughh—sorry there!” called out a voice. “I wasn't expecting that! Did you say—ack-ughh—that Apple is here? And .. a barkeeper?”
I waved my hands in a futile attempt to disperse the remaining fog. I held back the twitch that demanded me to draw on [Spring Breeze] again.
“A barkeeper,” I repeated after I couldn't hold my breath any longer. The air tasted like … oh, raspberries? “I was permitted to ride Apple here in exchange for delivering him to you.”
The young woman reappeared in her doorway, her hands wringing a damp cloth. Both her apron and her face were unkempt with blotches of unidentifiable powders, like splotches of paint on a canvas.
It was an appearance that made me momentarily speechless. Protocol demanded that a certain level of grooming be required so as to not deface my eyes. Even so, I noted her prettiness at once, powder notwithstanding. It was not the same classical beauty I monopolised, but she had a youthfulness that was common in towngirls.
“A barkeeper? Do you mean … Father?”
“I wasn't made aware of his relationship with you. Only that Apple be brought. Speaking of whom, Apple enjoys eating apples. There was an insufficient supply provided for this trip, so you'll be required to purchase some immediately for his enjoyment.”
“What? … Wait, I don't—”
“I suggest Red Princesses. They're crisp, aromatic, slightly sour, and highly vulnerable to caterpillars. Please make sure you check each apple thoroughly before buying. If you spot any, search for me at any cost and I'll deal with it.”
I waited for the young woman to provide acknowledgement of this very important point. The crops felled by disease, blight or magical illness was one thing. But if the local apples had been compromised by caterpillars, then I'd be forced to take off my gloves on the matter.
Instead, the young alchemist merely looked dazed. The whiff of a cauldron spitting out miasma had clearly gotten to her more than me.
“Hold on. You're telling me that … Father gave me Apple? Why would he do that?”
I produced the envelope provided in the satchel. I would have walked up to her as well, but each step further into the store was to swim against a tide of conflicting aromas.
The young woman approached and gingerly took the envelope.
Pulling out the letter within, she creased her brows in preparation for whatever contents she was expecting.
As she read, the expression on her face turned listless. A sigh eventually followed as she slid the letter back into its container.
“Thank you for bringing this to me. However, I'm sorry to say that I have no reply that I can offer at this time.”
“The apology is unnecessary. As is the reply. I have no intention of being a return courier. I have my own tasks to accomplish.”
The woman's eyes glanced at Starlight Grace by my hip. She tilted her head in puzzlement.
“Oh, I see. Are you … a student of my father?”
“Student?”
The woman nodded.
“Thomas Lainsfont. He … He used to teach people how to use a sword. Soldiers, adventurers. Sometimes those pretending to be soldiers and adventurers. If you're acquainted with him, I thought that maybe …”
Odd.
In my memories of that barkeeper, he neither boasted a sword nor struck me as one who'd teach it. Was it common for sword instructors to turn to barkeeping to make ends meet?
Clearly, the state of the economy was even more dire than I'd feared. I had no time to waste!
“We're not acquainted. I simply borrowed his horse, his crowns, and his provisions. The first I hand over to you, as per my agreement with him. The latter two I will repay in due course.”
“I … see?” The woman looked confused at me. “That seems like quite a lot. And you two are strangers beforehand?”
I placed my hand to my chest and smiled.
“I have a noble purpose.”
Indeed, a simple barkeeper he may now be, but his sense of duty was impeccable. I may not remember his name, but I shall remember his loyalty. It will stand him in good stead for when I began my hiring spree.
“A noble purpose … I see.” The woman smiled faintly. “Well, thank you for bringing this letter to me. And Apple, of course. I haven't seen him since he was a foal. I'm Marina Lainsfont.”
“Juliette. And my future attendant, Coppelia.”
“Yaho~”
Behind me, Coppelia waved while she busied herself with taking in all the ingredients on the shelves. She seemed markedly curious about the wares on offer. Perhaps the powdered roots and crushed eyeballs in the Kingdom of Tirea was different to the ones found in the Northern Realm of Ouzelia.
The woman nodded at us both. Once more, her eyes wandered to my sword.
“That technique you did to disperse the alchemical smoke—sorry about that, by the way—what was that?”
“That was [Spring Breeze]. A convenient way to eject common garden pests from my orchard.”
The woman blinked, then tilted her head once more.
“Excuse me? Did I understand that right? You use a sword technique to do away with insects?”
“Well, no, I think it's rather a stretch to call it a sword technique. A broom would be more useful. I simply use what I have on hand.”
“... And that would be your sword?”
I smiled proudly.
“Though inefficient, swords are highly versatile. From sweeping up caterpillars like a broom or for use as a quill when writing breathtaking poetry, one must simply be open minded when utilising the tools at their disposal.”
And also lazy! … Ingenious, but lazy … creative, but lazy … innovative, but lazy!
The woman's mouth opened wordlessly. The disbelief and the, well, palpable confusion in her eyes was evident. But I stand by my methods!
A sword can do almost anything, provided that the willpower and the time was there!
“I … see.” The woman tidied her expression, then looked between Coppelia and myself. There was a glint of optimism in her eyes. “That's certainly new. By any chance, would the two of you happen to be with the Adventurer's Guild?”
“We are not,” I said, wondering which part of my well-dressed state made me look as if I could be an adventurer. “And if you seek the services of the local branch, you'll have to barrel through the door first. They appear to be selectively choosing which commissions they accept.”
“I know. Cedric is the guildmaster. He explained his reasoning to me. I was hoping that if you two were new adventurers, that would mean my commission could finally be received ...”
The woman's shoulders fell as she continued.
“... Unfortunately, it seems I'll have to wait a little bit longer. And I was so close to a breakthrough, as well ...”
I frowned. I was no adventurer. But I was a princess. And even if the guild didn't adhere to their standards, I did.
That meant pretending to listen to the concerns of the townsfolk before waving them away.
“A breakthrough in what? What assistance did you require?”
The woman's eyes looked straight at me.
“A cure for the Withering laying waste to our fields. I believe I … no, I know I have a cure.”
My attention perked up at once.
What was this woman's name again? Marine? Marlene? Maria?
“Miss Lainsfont, what do you mean by having a cure? I was just informed that the cause for the blight was suspected to be magic. Do you have alchemic concoctions that can dispel such effects?”
The woman shook her head.
“I have nothing that can remedy magic. But I have reason to believe that this is no such thing. It's possible that an alchemical solution is both the cause and the cure to the Withering.”
“Oh? And why is that?”
“It spreads,” she answered simply. “Like mildew, the Withering's effects continue unabated from field to field, as though passed on from leaf and root. Even the strongest magic depletes over time. It shouldn't continue to spread. To grow. To cast a spell that powerful, an incredibly powerful mage would be required. One whose existence is not known to the Mage's Guild.”
I nodded. What little I knew about magic suggested the same.
But at the same time, magic was preposterous. What was spellcraft and the arcane, if not wholly without rules where rules should certainly exist?
“Surely, this would be a common assessment. Why is it that magic is deemed the prime culprit, then?”
“It's an easy explanation, I imagine. Or rather, a non-explanation which can be accepted. People are scared. They want answers. Magic is an answer. Alchemy less so. It's difficult to believe that a potion could have caused this. And yet I believe it might be the case.”
“Did you bring your beliefs to Baron Alonte?”
Marine, Marlene or Maria gave a slightly pained smile.
“Well, I don't really have access to the baron. However, I did bring this to the attention of my peers. They were … well, they were unable to identify any alchemical properties in the affected crops. As a result, neither the garrison nor the Adventurer's Guild can spare anyone for my request ...”
“Understandable. Have a nice day.”
“Wait!” pleaded the woman at once. “Ingredients! I need ingredients. Pixie dust. Sprite wings. Meteorite ore. Living essence and more ...”
I raised an eyebrow.
That was quite the list. Had the Royal Villa's physician had access to those ingredients, I'm sure he'd have discovered a kinder way to check if my reflexes were working other than striking my knee with that ridiculous little hammer of his.
“You believe you can devise a cure for the Withering?” I asked. “Even without evidence?”
“I can't have evidence without trying. And I believe I'm close to something which is worth these ingredients. Just as the Withering can spread, it can also recede. I'm … I'm certain.”
“Have you any basis of fact for this theory?”
The woman bit her lips.
“No. But I know it to be true. I can feel it. I just need … I just need a chance. But I need help. I need help so I can help others in turn.”
I stopped myself from rolling my eyes.
Here lay a true do-gooder. Meaning she was either a saint or a psychopath. I'm sure she was the type of person who offered potions for free and remedies at a below-cost discount. And thus, the practicalities of having little coin and little influence meant that any heroics were sadly short lived.
Because to affect change, one must first earn a prodigious income.
This is precisely the problem with these types of people. While they're doing good, they're not making money. And when they're not making money, they're not hiring help for their herb picking errands. Because, yes, even adventurers, for all their public displays of cat fetching needed crowns. And much more than they cared to admit.
Fortunately for ... Marina? Marina Lainsfont, I was no adventurer.
I was a princess. And my goal wasn't to make crowns. It was to keep it.
Thus, I raised my hand to my cheek and smiled.
“Ohhohoho! Rejoice, for Lady Luck has smiled upon you this day. I happen to have a vested interest in curing this Withering. Merely state what must be done, and it will be so. What is required to concoct this supposed cure of yours?”
I received a stunned look in response.
Even so, it was clear from the movement of her gaze that she was appraising me. I was more than happy to oblige. Whether it was my character or my willpower, I was flawless in both mind and heart.
“I … well … to be clear, I already have most of the constituent ingredients to create a sample. Really, there's only one thing I cannot get myself. I … I just need …”
“Yes?”
The woman hesitated. I immediately started wondering what ghastly monster she required the eyeball of.
“The petals of a newly bloomed starflower.”
Ah.
Even worse than an eyeball.
At least they could be found. Two of them per monster as well. Usually.
But the petals of a starflower?
It was said to be a flower with divine healing properties. And it could only be found blooming in the darkest places in the world, shining like a star amidst the darkness. Hence its terribly dull name.
Whether or not the healing properties were true, however, what was certain was the flower's extreme rarity.
It was only recently that a single starflower had the effect of bankrupting several bidders in a public auction—even though only one had gone on to win it.
For a chance at curing any ailment, things as meagre as loans, collateral and consequences were irrelevant. Such thoughts were only too easy for someone who not only desired a starflower, but needed it.
This woman, Marina Lainsfont, was certain to meet disappointment in this request. Both from a lack of funds, and from a lack of starflowers.
“That'll be difficult,” I said plainly. “As singularly capable as I am, I cannot conjure divine flowers on a whim. Unless you happen to know where one can be freely acquired, I'm afraid that you'll have to make do with alternatives.”
I was given no response.
At least, none so far as spoken words were concerned. Her eyes told me a different tale. And it didn't require my innate skills at diplomacy to understand what.
“You know of one's location?” I asked, genuinely intrigued. “Where is it?”
Why, if I could cultivate a starflower, then the capital that could bring in would surely off-set all of the kingdom's financial woes!
In fact, I could double dip! I wouldn't need to solely bankrupt our own citizens to fill the Royal Treasury. Sovereigns from other nations would pour chests laden with crowns into our country if it meant providing even a single starflower.
Even so, the young alchemist shook her head.
“It's not as simple as that. I can't just tell anyone. It may be very dangerous. And … I don't know if it's actually there. The risk is too high ...”
Her voice trailed off.
Still, I could finish her words for her.
She couldn't just tell anyone.
But she could tell someone.
The implications, I rather suspected, being that she couldn't tell anyone she personally knew. To risk life and limb for a theoretical starflower of further theoretical use would certainly weigh on the conscious of a self-styled do-gooder.
“Rest assured that you may safely divulge the details of this starflower to me. Both myself and my future attendant are highly capable. If such a vaunted specimen exists, I would like to retrieve it for both your use and my personal study. If possible, I will attempt to harvest some seeds.”
“I was under the impression that the seeds of a starflower couldn't be harvested?”
“Allow me to concern myself with that. If the starflower is used to cure the Withering, then I'll consider this venture a success.”
The woman was motionless. A final pause, as if to measure the merit of my words.
Naturally, I passed with flying colours.
“My father was always an excellent judge of character,” she said. “And I trust in his choice of rider for Apple. If you're content to scour the darkness, I can show you the way. Give me a moment to prepare my things. Hopefully, it won't be needed, but ...”
“I understand. Thank you for your consideration.”
The woman glanced at my clothes.
“Um, there's just one thing.”
“Yes?”
“It might be a little bit … well, dirty.”
My confidence only dipped as she began fidgeting with her hands. I regularly braved fresh, clean soil within my orchard. Yet something told me this would be more disquieting than that.
“How dirty?”
The woman offered a nervous smile.
“Have you ever climbed down a well, Juliette?”
​
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Goodies from goodies: https://imgur.com/a/ik6GLtg
u/welshfancy x 2 Thanks for the *amazing* Barbie card. It’s so cute & fun, I can’t stop smiling! I share the hilarity here for those who share our Bananas-for-Barbie brains: One Barbie says to the other: “If only all men were like Ken…” & the other Barbie replies: “It’d be perfect! When you get bored you just put him away in a shoe-box! LOL!!! Including a close-up pic of it through the link :)
In one of our DMs & in my last thanks post, you shared that you really enjoy jokes. I’m kinda blushing here with some of these jokes, but I wanna gift you some laughs for this beautiful Barbie card. BTW ***I love men***, and I know we all do on this sub (even our friend who’s apparently selling their husband on the meta sub haha), so no offense to any of the lovely men on this sub. K, you sweet manly muffins? These are stupid stereotypes but shared only in the spirit of fun, no harm, & obviously we can’t live without y’all. I don’t think. ;) This is purely to entertain our friend u/welshfancy here because she deserves it after the job rollercoaster she’s been on lately. But if anyone takes offense, I’ll immediately delete them. Better yet - feel free to post some funny revenge jokes about women. But remember, if you do, we’ll be sure to send appropriate “thank you” cards hahaha!
*Do you know what the insensitive bit at the base of a guy’s manhood is called? The man. ;)
*What’s the difference between men & government bonds? Bonds mature. =)
*What’s the difference between E.T. & men? At least E.T. phoned the hell home.
*What’s the difference between men & vultures? Vultures wait until you’re dead before ripping your heart out. ;)
*Why are men like blenders? You know you need one, but you’re not quite sure why.
*When’s the only time you can change a man? When he’s a baby.
*How do men help clean the house? They lift their legs so you can vacuum underneath.
*What did God say after creating man? “Hmmm, I think I can do better.”
*How are men like laxatives? They irritate the crap outta you! ;)
*How can you tell if your husband is happy? Who the hell cares?
*What do men & mascara have in common? They both run at the first sign of emotion.
*What do you call a man who disagrees with you? Wrong.
*Why does it take TWO HUNDRED MILLION sperm to fertilize one damn egg? Because not one will stop to ask for damn directions! ;)
Hope some of these made you giggle. :) I also LOVE this illustrated postcard of the Moon from La Loteria!!!! Thank you. :) Girl, you know I’ll need to hear about your wacky wild 80s adventures in Mexico, right? It’s like you left me with a cliffhanger! Feel free to share your wildest stories anytime - I’d love to share them on the sub in a thank you post. But if you wanna tell me confidential story secrets, that would be fun too! :) Thanks for always bringing a huge smile to my face with your endless mail love! Wishing you infinite joy…along with toilets & men that aren’t full of crap! ;)
u/410bore x 2 Is your PERFECT cool-calligraphy handwriting for REALS?!? OMG if I had your hot handwriting, I’d write all day long on walls & the sides of buildings to show off, graffiti laws be damned! Your handwriting is so hella awesome, you should charge admission to people just to watch you write!!!! Thank you for the vintage NASA card, which was just the icing on top of your gorgeous calligraphy cake! Thanks so much also for the neato wooden postcard!! It’s so unique! I love that you bought it from the Santa Monica Pier. BTW I’ve been to the Adobe Max virtual conference before - super inspiring. Hope you had a blast! BTW don’t be alarmed if you notice that it’s broken in the pic - I didn’t do it. That was courtesy of the USPS, which admitted its mistake. I honestly don’t know how they BROKE a WOODEN postcard LOL! But it’s no less beautiful - my nephew loves it so much he wants to feature it in his room. ;) Thanks for thinking of me, kind friend. =)
u/MelodicEntertainer Thanks for the cool retro sausage ad postcard - love retro ads!!!! Yes, friend, you’re almost ;) right that “Texas = BBQ” (haha, love it). I would edit this: “Texas = blissful, buttery, beefy BBQ” ;) I know it may seem redundant to type “beefy” but I add this because there are weirdos here who think CHICKEN & TURKEY classify as BBQ. I should take my shotgun & shoot them. Kidding. Just ‘cause I’m from Texas, it doesn’t mean I’m nuts enough to own a shotgun. =) I would use my glock. Kidding, again. Seriously I can’t stand gun violence. :( But the people who think that BBQ includes anything other than my blissful buttery beef should never, ever receive any cool stickers from any of us. ;) I’ve heard certain parts of Canada have some BBQ game too! Calgary maybe? Wishing you the sweetest, spiciest slabs of marbled, majestic beef, fabulous friend!
u/likablelobster Friend, there could be no more likable lobster than you. You became more likable by the minute after your adorable illustrated croissant & coffee postcard arrived! Did you use a ***gasp*** TYPEWRITER to type your super likable thoughts on this postcard?!? I’m obsessed with typewriters! I wish I had one from the 1940s! They are so crazy cool & believe me when I tell you that you became even more likable to me by typing crooked! I don’t know if it was intentional or not but THIS is the sweet crazy charm of using a typewriter - having no control over lawless words that don’t align to mad margins! For the first 15 minutes I stared at this card in awe, I didn’t even READ what you typed hahaha! I was entranced by the typing!!!! And then your likability catapulted to the moon when I read what you had actually typed. ;) I loved how you typed so much in such a small amount of space, you likable sweetie!!!! This postcard is now among my absolute favorites - because you typed through tumultuous postcard terrain & included what is the PRETTIEST stamp I have EVER seen (the super colorful illustrated Postcrossing stamp)!!!! Thank you SO much for making me so happy with your beautiful mail!
u/maiiiu Thanks so much for the super cuuuuute handmade “Write” card! Your calligraphy of the word “Write” is just gorgeous! I just love the awesome puffy-ish pastel-colored plant stickers you included - they’re so fun to look at & I can’t wait to use them while sending mail!! I love that you have a mentor, & what a bonus that he makes you laugh! I say, next time, *you* get to decide what y’all have for lunch. Wishing y’all perfect palak paneer lunches that are free from rain & roadside diversions! ;)
u/dekabus Thank you for the pretty floral card with all your sweet sentiments on beauty! I found it delightful that you included the cool sticker that says “Vermehrt Schönes” or “Increase Beauty” in German! I love it!!!! I think the subject of “beauty” is fascinating & want to share with you one of my favorite quotes: “But if a mirror ever makes you sad, you should know that it does not know you.” – Kabir Here’s an interpretation of the meaning from outofstress.com: “The mirror is merely a reflection of your external form and not of your internal form. Hence the mirror does not know you and what it portrays is of little importance.” You are BEAUTIFUL, u/dekabus, for so many reasons. But in this moment, you are most beautiful for spreading so much kindness & cheer to so many across the globe, especially to strangers! Thank you! Wishing you beauty in all its forms, beautiful friend. =)
u/jess_4943 Thanks for the pretty hyacinth postcard decorated with the fun stickers! I really love the lightbulb sticker that has flowers growing within it, like a terrarium! Depictions of mini terrariums housed in unusual objects always delight me!! Wishing you terrariums of joy! =)
u/wabisabi_sf Thanks for the serene RAoC 10th anniversary beach postcard with my name written in your *gorgeous* calligraphy! I appreciate your kind words & wish you beaches of beauty & bacon (if you like bacon ha)!
u/kk6321 Thanks for the cool postcard with all the fun travel stamps! Wishing you a blast in Spain! Re: you wondering if there will be AC…a few years ago I was in Portugal & it was 117 degrees. No AC. I prayed for death & canceled my plans to go to Spain because apparently it was hotter there. :( Wishing you buckets of ice & balmy breezes!!!!
u/omggallout x 2 Thanks for the adorable Arriety postcard - what a fun illustration! Haha, how cool that we unwittingly sent each other space postcards!!! Thank you for the gorgeous depiction of Orion Nebula with the fun planet stickers! Wishing you planets of peace & prosperity!
u/lehmongeloh Thank you for the cuuuuute kitty floral postcard! You are a magnet to cute, my friend! Please DM me with your address & likes if I may send you a card. =) Wishing you all things that are crazy cute!
u/smellyann64 Thanks for the cool vintage Vienna House of Parliament card! I don’t know what your job title is, but you staring down barracudas & hangin’ with octopi wins the RAoC coolest career contest! Wishing you safety & smiles in the sea!! =)
u/mypetitmal x 2 Thank you for the SUPER FUN, beautifully-illustrated Power Woman thank-you postcard! I love it! The artwork is so eye-catching & I love the comic-book panel style! It was my pleasure to send you the kitty card. My thoughts are with you & I hope that you’re feeling better. WHOA you’ve been carding since 2007 - whoa!!!! So awesome! Have you ever counted the number of cards you’ve received? To answer your question…I’ve been a crafter since about 2016 when I started frequenting craft classes at a bunch of different libraries. But I only got into carding when I met the beautiful u/Bridge-etti at a Victorian scrapbooking class & she casually mentioned RAoC to me! Imagine my delight at “running” into her again on accident/BY SURPRISE on this sub when she sent me a V-Day card & I sent her a birthday card!!! I’d been waiting to see how long it would take for me to cross paths with her since I never got her info and it only took about 6 weeks!!! Amazingly fun!! So I have her to thank for my new obsession - RAoC, & for the sad/fun reality that my car now looks like Hobby Lobby had a baby in it. ;) Thanks also for the super cuuuute friendship currency postcard! What cute doodles. Also love the adorable sticker you added! I hear you on the time change - same. Wish they would abolish it so we can prevent traffic accidents & other nonsense! Hope you recover soon & that your trip to Chi-town was a blast! Eat anything tasty there? =) Thanks for thinking of me & looking forward to learning more about you. Wishing you endless smiles & sunshine through RAoC & beyond, sweetheart!
u/thunderlightboomzap Thank you for the pretty illustrated sky card! You shared such wonderful affirmations - thanks for taking the time to share them with me! And so many! I especially love how you shared affirmations focusing on self-worth: “My worth cannot be measured by my paycheck, my job title, or a list of professional or academic achievements” & “There is nothing I need to accomplish to be worthy. I am already worthy.” Right on! These are amazing reminders. Thanks also for the “mental health matters” & self-compassion stickers! You’re such a loving, encouraging soul! Here are some affirmations for you on one of my fave subjects, creativity:
“I am creating in every moment, awake and asleep.”
“I am free to take my imagination anywhere it wants to go.”
This one is a bit wordy, but I like the spirit:
“I effortlessly connect with the universe's boundless inventiveness.”
Thanks again for being so thoughtful & encouraging! Wishing you the same peace, joy, & smiles you gifted me!
u/drguinea Thanks for the beautiful pastel flower postcard! Looking at all the pretty colors brightens my spirits. YESSSSS I’m all about David on Schitt’s Creek! I recall Googling the heck out of him when I first watched the show - it’s so easy to fall in love with him. But sad for me, he’s too hot & gay so what’s the point of living anymore?!? ;) And his real-life/tv DAD Eugene Levy - okay should I be embarrassed to admit that I fell in love with him years ago when I heard him speak live at a banquet in Austin LOL? He is HILARIOUS!!!!
u/LaCuntessa Thanks for the wacky fun Joan Miro postcard - love this art, & especially the smiling sketches!
u/hato_mailing x 2 Thanks for the GORGEOUS wax seals you sent along with the sweet nature postcards. :) The seals are simply stunning & a total wonder to look at, wow! The turquoise & silver seals are especially fun & fanciful! Thanks for letting me be a part of your fun mail wax seal test initiative - super cool. :) Wishing you the hottest of wonderful wax that never burns you! But not ear wax - OMG have you ever gone temporarily deaf because of excessive ear wax? It’s kinda cool & convenient when your mom yells for no reason but kinda torturous otherwise. Kinda like how I’m torturing you by mentioning ear wax for no reason. Sorry I haven’t slept much. Wishing you endless joy in your snazzy snail mail experiments!
u/libertyprogrammer Thanks for the gorgeous Women in Art Ray Eames postcard! I can’t wait to study her films. And as a newbie, I went batcrap bananas over all the flippin’ FUNNNNN & super unique postage stamps you included!! They are EXTRAORDINARY, & so are you for brightening my day with all this beautiful eye candy. Wishing you limitless liberty (LOVE the username)! =)
u/travel4me Thank you for this ****super gorgeous**** Loupaper postcard of the charming charcuterie snacks! You totally nailed the “brightly colored illustration” prompt - I loooove this card so much! Wishing you the crunchiest carrots, sweetest strawberries, creamiest cheeses, & bluest blueberries at your next social soiree! =)
u/missnettiemoore Thanks for the neato retro Absinthe ad postcard! Love vintage ads. I’ve never tried absinthe either. But I’m all about the art! Wishing you days full of intoxicating laughter & love! =)
u/bluedecemberart Thanks for the elegant Alphonse Mucha postcard! Love your thoughts on watercolor vs. lithographs. Holy moly I don’t know anything about art but I can’t believe it’s watercolor either! Astounding. Thanks for sharing your art expertise with me, I love to learn! Wishing you endless joy as you create your art. =)
u/photographyislove Thanks for the exquisite wildflower specimens postcard! I love illustrated cards like this one. =) I was alarmed to hear about your winter storm traffic story but relieved you’re around to talk about it! Wishing you safety & the best of hilarious podcasts while you drive!
u/mostlygoodthings Thanks for the sweet wishes from Spain - adorably written on the Norway postcard hahaha! I’m feeling envious about the gorgeous ambient sunlight scenes you described. =) Wishing you soft, serene sunlight (not like the sunburns we get in Texas ;( ) & smiles!
u/jamiekj Thanks for the sweet surprise wishes from Savannah! How adorable are you to think of me while on your work trip?!? I appreciate your thoughtfulness so much & hope that you had some fun while on your work trip (or at least tried some tasty treats). =) Wishing you lots of exciting excursions & zero work on your “work” trips haha!
u/lspjackie How cuuuuute is this vintage St. Patrick’s day illustrated postcard?!?!? It is sooooo adorable, & you are too for blessing a stranger with it! I’m insane for vintage illustrated ads & this one is just frame-worthy! Thank you. Hope you had a 17th full of luck & laughter! =)
u/tashmash Loved receiving a postcard from your fave ice cream joint! Thank you. What cuuuute diamond washi you used to decorate the postcard. I feel like American ice cream is devoid of flavofat because they jack it up with sugar. I wonder if your ice cream place uses more fabulous fat than stupid sugar in the ice cream. Your postcard makes me wanna pack up & move to NZ just to test out the goodies for myself. ;) Wishing you boundless buckets of chocolate cherry & cookies & cream ice cream without ice cream headaches!!!
u/Proud_Ad_759 x 2 This Winnie-the-Pooh card is crazy adorable but ALMOST as adorable as you are!!!!! I just LOVE your enthusiasm for snail mail & was so charmed by your cuuuute inquiry if I had received your postcard like a day hahaha after you mailed it from 87 states away! Seriously, your positive energy is so infectious & I’m so happy we met! I was also so happy to hear about your 6th sense…okay the same uber weird stuff happens to me. And it IS a “big thing” my friend! Now how can we channel that into winning the lottery LOL? Just kidding. Sort of - I mean, I’ll take the lottery but to be honest, even if I won it, I would NEVER EVER stop exchanging cards with fabulous fun friends like you! I think I’d just use the $$ to juice up the process. Like I’d hire a full-time assistant to take care of all the RAoC tasks while I just read & appreciate the cards. ;) Thanks also for the funny Peter Pan postcard of the little weirdo exposing his beautiful belly! Just loved your funny, creative answer to my macarena dance prompt !!! If you’re okay with me posting your awesome answer, I’ll do that later when I post a special thanks including all the different answers to the same prompt. =)
u/BetterOwl3221 Hello-Hello I’m so happy-happy to receive this STUNNING Halo-Halo recipe postcard!!!!! THANK YOU! =) I'm including a close-up pic of it in case anyone reading my long-winded nonsense wants to check out the recipe. =) I’m bananas for illustrated cards & this one needs to be framed for my future dream house! All of the pastel colors on this gorgeous card instantly brighten me up & I’m even excited to live today if that makes sense hahaha! It’s kinda cool how one beautiful card from a beautiful stranger can instantly be a beautiful balm for one’s mood. I also loved your description of the dreamy dessert. It sounds so perfect & simply scrumptious! The postmark is from last month - it took ages to get here. And funny, this is the *one* card I kept thinking about for weeks out of all the ones I’ve ever requested because it just looked like the happiest card ever on your post & I was hoping it wasn’t lost. So the day I got it in the mail, I started jumping up & down like a lunatic outside near the mailbox & was so giddy that a kid passing by, ALARMED, asked me if I needed help. I was like, really, you kind moron? I’m smiling & laughing like a nutcake while holding this beautiful mail & your instinct is to call the cops on me hahaha?!? I wanted to yell at the stupid sweetie to check out RAoC so he could experience the kind of joy you made me feel. =)
u/Dolliesqueak Thanks for the super cool Night Sky postcard with the awesome Carl Sagan quote!!! I agree that we are made of star stuff =) Wishing you shooting stars & sweet sunshine!
u/doggotoast x 2 Thanks for the gorgeous SG postcard! So cute! I’m digging your affinity for oatmilk. Yummmm - my fave oatmilk is Planet Oat, Extra Creamy - it’s insanely delicious. :) Thanks also for the bright yellow furniture postcard that woke me up! ;) I LOVE how you’d be workin’ the Macarena even though you “hate dancing” hahaha! Wishing you non-awkward dance experiences & the most aromatic cups of coffee, friend!
u/RideThatBridge Thanks for the super pretty illustrated floral card! I just love the Indian proverb you kindly shared: “All of the flowers of tomorrow are in the seeds of today.” This is insanely profound & inspires me to procrastinate a little less with all my work. ;) Here are some of my fave Indian proverbs:
“Don’t poison someone whom you can kill with sweets.”
“They who dream for too long will become like their shadow.”WHATTT!?!? Aren’t these deep?!? Thanks for the lovely inspiration! Here’s hoping your seeds of today blossom into fabulous flowers tomorrow! =)
u/jubilan Thanks for the cool illustrated Hawaiian cocktail postcard with your self-love encouragement! So sweet. Your positive vibes are so beautiful. Wishing you lots of contemplative, wonderful walks & sunny smiles!
u/drivingogre Thanks for the adorable bear postcard FANTASTICALLY FULL (yesssss for zero white space!!!) with the most fun facts!!! “Art used to be an olympic event!” Whaaat?!?!? That sounds amazing! Here’s a cool fact for you: kitty pee-pee glows in the dark! Wishing your lovely brain hoards all the most amazing fun facts forevermore so you can dazzle people dizzy at parties! P.S. Charming u/ellezavech , also a fact fiend like us, taught me a tres cool fact about one of my most fave words, “dazzle”. But you’ll have to work for it by checking out the post ;) https://www.reddit.com/RandomActsofCards/comments/11h673n/thank_you_when_does_bread_rise_when_you_yeast/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
u/sebisrude Not again with this rude nonsense, sugar! I’m dying to hear about this fun/mean username! I’m happy *as hell* you saved me from a critical Pipsticks expenditure emergency (stupid student-loan-debt-be-damned) by sending me this illustrated pen & pencil postcard!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU! I’m batcrap bananas over it & can’t tell you how badly the nerd in me ached for this card when I missed out on an offer for it ages ago! I had never even heard of Pipsticks before I saw this postcard. And now I hope a rich, evil relative dies soon (kidding) & bequeaths me his/her glorious estate which I will then fill with Pipsticks utopia & host a Pipsticks party to which you will be the guest of honor! Wishing you the peppiest of perfect stickers!
u/shipping_addict x 2 Thanks for the super cool NY postcard in the shape of a stamp!!! What a sweetheart you are, sending me the roasted veggies recipe unprompted. :) Are you sure you’re not a southerner, Darlin’, with all that homemade cookin’ & crazy cool cardin’? Thanks also for the *adorable* Over the Garden Wall tarot card!!! What is it about mini cards that drives me merrily mad?!!? I haven’t dived into tarot readings yet but am intrigued by what you wrote: “success, achievement, failure”. All I know is, if I’m successful & achieve, I’m thanking myself. But if I fail, I’m blaming *you*, Sugar, & will send you the ugliest postcards of all time. I’m collecting a batcrapload of ‘em specifically for this purpose. But you’re so cute, sweet, & strangely southern in your demeanor that your polite self would likely write the most heartfelt, sweet lies about how you love it all. ;) And OMG you sent me a Lindsay Lohan PARENT TRAP sticker?!?!? So hilarious & awesome! Hoarding it for life!!!! Also love the cuuuute lemon stamp sticker & the little pastel illustrated cutie!!! Ooooohh I just saw the cool purple Broadway stamp on the envelope - sweeeet!!!! =)
u/SherlockLady x 5 Thanks for the cuuuuuuuutest homemade Easter bunny card I’ve ever seen!!! The smiling sweetie & the bright orange carrot right next to it on the spring-y lime green paper just put me in the best mood! Also love the “You only live once” card, the super motivating “Be brave be bold be you” superhero card, the super thoughtful self-care card, & the Eiffel tower scrapbook paper card! LOVE the cute washi tape samples you sent! The eye-themed one is so adorable & my fave. Thanks also for the stickers & the tea - can’t wait to try it! You constantly spoil me with so much amazing love & I’m so grateful for your nonstop magical mail surprises!!!
u/stephkempf x 8 Sweetheart, I wish I could say I keep you in the postcard sending “business” LOL!!!!! THANK YOU. =) I can only hope that they appreciate you at work & give you boundless bonuses so you can buy as many stamps as your insane, adorable, gorgeous, generous, syrupy sweet heart desires. :) Truly, you AMAZE me with how much you indulge us with your fun, frightening, & frighteningly fun offers hahaha! I honestly had no idea what in the hot holy hell I signed up for when I filled out your birthday bonanza form. All I know is, I keep wondering if it’s my birthday when I’m surprised with a random birthday postcard hahaha! That’s super crazy fun! I’m so jazzed that you’re upcycling all your cards & blessing us with them. LOVE all the b-day postcards - especially the Snoopy one. I don’t understand how that kid never ages. Thanks also for the soothing floral non-bday postcard. I’ll admit I was jarred that it’s not a b-day card hahaha! I so appreciate all the fun, good vibes, & insane beauty you send my way!

Everything in my inventory is up for trade. The most valuable items are listed here, the rest you can find in My Inventory

Feel free to Add Me or even better send a Trade Offer. Open for any suggestions: upgrades, downgrades / knives, gloves, skins / stickers, patterns, floats.

All Buyouts are listed in cash value.

KNIVES

★ Butterfly Knife Freehand FN #1, B/O: $1867

★ Butterfly Knife Bright Water MW, B/O: $1098

★ Butterfly Knife Blue Steel BS, B/O: $907

★ Butterfly Knife Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $789

★ Butterfly Knife Stained FT, B/O: $695

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★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth MW #1, B/O: $888

★ Bayonet Gamma Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $727

★ Bayonet Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $608

★ Bayonet Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $521

★ Bayonet Rust Coat BS, B/O: $253

★ Bayonet Night FT, B/O: $251

★ StatTrak™ Bayonet Lore MW, B/O: $751

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★ Karambit Gamma Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $1343

★ Karambit Damascus Steel FT, B/O: $774

★ Karambit Rust Coat BS, B/O: $537

★ Karambit Boreal Forest FT, B/O: $488

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★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1523

★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1523

★ M9 Bayonet Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $1008

★ M9 Bayonet Blue Steel FT, B/O: $534

★ M9 Bayonet Rust Coat BS, B/O: $449

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★ Flip Knife Fade FN, B/O: $703

★ Flip Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) MW, B/O: $509

★ Flip Knife Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $406

★ Flip Knife Freehand FT, B/O: $228

★ StatTrak™ Flip Knife Bright Water FN, B/O: $332

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★ Falchion Knife Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $292

★ Falchion Knife Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $264

★ Falchion Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $258

★ Falchion Knife Bright Water MW, B/O: $133

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★ Stiletto Knife Fade FN, B/O: $822

★ Stiletto Knife Slaughter FN, B/O: $569

★ Stiletto Knife Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $530

★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web FT, B/O: $396

★ StatTrak™ Stiletto Knife Scorched FT, B/O: $172

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★ Gut Knife Doppler (Sapphire) MW #1, B/O: $830

★ Gut Knife Fade FN, B/O: $204

★ Gut Knife Tiger Tooth FN, B/O: $138

★ Gut Knife Bright Water MW, B/O: $104

★ Gut Knife Freehand FT, B/O: $92

★ Gut Knife Urban Masked FT, B/O: $82

★ StatTrak™ Gut Knife Rust Coat BS, B/O: $93

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★ Shadow Daggers Fade FN, B/O: $258

★ Shadow Daggers Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $165

★ Shadow Daggers Blue Steel FT, B/O: $82

★ Shadow Daggers Bright Water FT, B/O: $82

★ Shadow Daggers Blue Steel WW, B/O: $80

★ Shadow Daggers Rust Coat BS, B/O: $74

★ StatTrak™ Shadow Daggers Marble Fade FN, B/O: $186

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★ Classic Knife Slaughter MW, B/O: $311

★ StatTrak™ Classic Knife Stained BS, B/O: $163

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★ Talon Knife Slaughter MW, B/O: $605

★ Talon Knife Scorched MW, B/O: $290

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★ Ursus Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $405

★ Ursus Knife Night Stripe MW, B/O: $162

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★ Paracord Knife Stained WW, B/O: $125

★ Paracord Knife Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $97

★ Paracord Knife Safari Mesh FT, B/O: $96

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★ Navaja Knife Safari Mesh FT, B/O: $71

★ Navaja Knife Scorched WW, B/O: $71

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★ Nomad Knife Fade FN, B/O: $1015

★ Skeleton Knife, B/O: $909

★ Bowie Knife Boreal Forest MW, B/O: $106

★ Survival Knife Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $97

GLOVES

★ Driver Gloves Crimson Weave FT, B/O: $335

★ Driver Gloves King Snake BS, B/O: $270

★ Driver Gloves Lunar Weave WW, B/O: $113

★ Driver Gloves Overtake WW, B/O: $88

★ Driver Gloves Overtake BS, B/O: $67

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★ Moto Gloves Transport MW, B/O: $171

★ Moto Gloves Polygon BS, B/O: $137

★ Moto Gloves Transport WW, B/O: $71

★ Moto Gloves 3rd Commando Company BS, B/O: $62

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★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Kimono WW, B/O: $1027

★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike FT, B/O: $654

★ Specialist Gloves Mogul FT, B/O: $295

★ Specialist Gloves Lt. Commander FT, B/O: $277

★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web FT, B/O: $275

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★ Sport Gloves Slingshot FT, B/O: $796

★ Sport Gloves Amphibious BS #2, B/O: $699

★ Sport Gloves Omega FT, B/O: $656

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★ Broken Fang Gloves Unhinged BS, B/O: $60

WEAPONS

AK-47 Case Hardened BS, B/O: $130

AK-47 Bloodsport MW, B/O: $79

AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76

AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76

AK-47 Bloodsport FT, B/O: $70

AK-47 Neon Rider MW, B/O: $60

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AWP Fade FN, B/O: $864

AWP BOOM MW, B/O: $84

AWP Containment Breach FT, B/O: $69

AWP Containment Breach FT, B/O: $69

AWP Wildfire FT, B/O: $59

AWP Chromatic Aberration FN, B/O: $59

StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $65

StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $65

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Desert Eagle Blaze FN, B/O: $565

Desert Eagle Blaze FN, B/O: $565

Desert Eagle Printstream FN, B/O: $155

Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $58

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M4A1-S Icarus Fell FN, B/O: $414

M4A1-S Printstream MW, B/O: $204

M4A1-S Printstream MW, B/O: $204

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M4A4 Poseidon FN, B/O: $1402

M4A4 The Emperor FN, B/O: $152

M4A4 Asiimov WW, B/O: $97

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USP-S Kill Confirmed MW, B/O: $65

USP-S Printstream FT, B/O: $69

StatTrak™ USP-S Kill Confirmed FT, B/O: $123

StatTrak™ USP-S Neo-Noir FN, B/O: $106

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AUG Flame Jörmungandr FN, B/O: $218

P2000 Ocean Foam FN, B/O: $139

Souvenir SSG 08 Death Strike MW, B/O: $81

CZ75-Auto Emerald Quartz MW, B/O: $61

Trade Offer Link - Steam Profile Link - My Inventory

Knives - Bowie Knife, Butterfly Knife, Falchion Knife, Flip Knife, Gut Knife, Huntsman Knife, M9 Bayonet, Bayonet, Karambit, Shadow Daggers, Stiletto Knife, Ursus Knife, Navaja Knife, Talon Knife, Classic Knife, Paracord Knife, Survival Knife, Nomad Knife, Skeleton Knife, Patterns - Gamma Doppler, Doppler (Phase 1, Phase 2, Phase 3, Phase 4, Black Pearl, Sapphire, Ruby, Emerald), Crimson Web, Lore, Fade, Ultraviolet, Night, Marble Fade (Fire & Ice, Fake FI), Case Hardened (Blue Gem), Autotronic, Slaughter, Black Laminate, Tiger Tooth, Boreal Forest, Scorched, Blue Steel, Vanilla, Damascus Steel, Forest DDPAT, Urban Masked, Freehand, Stained, Bright Water, Safari Mesh, Rust Coat, Gloves - Bloodhound Gloves (Charred, Snakebite, Guerrilla, Bronzed), Driver Gloves (Snow Leopard, King Snake, Crimson Weave, Imperial Plaid, Black Tie, Lunar Weave, Diamondback, Rezan the Red, Overtake, Queen Jaguar, Convoy, Racing Green), Hand Wraps (Cobalt Skulls, CAUTION!, Overprint, Slaughter, Leather, Giraffe, Badlands, Spruce DDPAT, Arboreal, Constrictor, Desert Shamagh, Duct Tape), Moto Gloves (Spearmint, POW!, Cool Mint, Smoke Out, Finish Line, Polygon, Blood Pressure, Turtle, Boom!, Eclipse, 3rd Commando Company, Transport), Specialist Gloves (Crimson Kimono, Tiger Strike, Emerald Web, Field Agent, Marble Fade, Fade, Foundation, Lt. Commander, Crimson Web, Mogul, Forest DDPAT, Buckshot), Sport Gloves (Pandora's Box, Superconductor, Hedge Maze, Vice, Amphibious, Slingshot, Omega, Arid, Big Game, Nocts, Scarlet Shamagh, Bronze Morph), Hydra Gloves (Case Hardened, Emerald, Rattler, Mangrove), Broken Fang Gloves (Jade, Yellow-banded, Unhinged, Needle Point), Pistols - P2000 (Wicked Sick, Ocean Foam, Fire Element, Amber Fade, Corticera, Chainmail, Imperial Dragon, Obsidian, Scorpion, Handgun, Acid Etched), USP-S (Printstream, Kill Confirmed, Whiteout, Road Rash, Owergrowth, The Traitor, Neo-Noir, Dark Water, Orion, Blueprint, Stainless, Caiman, Serum, Monster Mashup, Royal Blue, Ancient Visions, Cortex, Orange Anolis, Ticket To Hell, Black Lotus, Cyrex, Check Engine, Guardian, Purple DDPAT, Torque, Blood Tiger, Flashback, Business Class, Pathfinder, Para Green), Lead Conduit, Glock-18 (Umbral Rabbit, Fade, Candy Apple, Bullet Queen, Synth Leaf, Neo-Noir, Nuclear Garden, Dragon Tatto, Reactor, Pink DDPAT, Twilight Galaxy, Sand Dune, Groundwater, Blue Fissure, Snack Attack, Water Elemental, Brass, Wasteland Rebel, Vogue, Franklin, Royal Legion, Gamma Doppler, Weasel, Steel Disruption, Ironwork, Grinder, High Beam, Moonrise, Oxide Blaze, Bunsen Burner, Clear Polymer, Bunsen Burner, Night), P250 (Re.built, Nuclear Threat, Modern Hunter, Splash, Whiteout, Vino Primo, Mehndi, Asiimov, Visions, Undertow, Cartel, See Ya Later, Gunsmoke, Splash, Digital Architect, Muertos, Red Rock, Bengal Tiger, Crimson Kimono, Wingshot, Metallic DDPAT, Hive, Dark Filigree, Mint Kimono), Five-Seven (Neon Kimono, Berries And Cherries, Fall Hazard, Crimson Blossom, Hyper Beast, Nitro, Fairy Tale, Case Hardened, Copper Galaxy, Angry Mob, Monkey Business, Fowl Play, Anodized Gunmetal, Hot Shot, Retrobution, Boost Protocol), CZ75-Auto (Chalice, Crimson Web, Emerald Quartz, The Fuschia is Now, Nitro, Xiangliu, Yellow Jacket, Victoria, Poison Dart, Syndicate, Eco, Hexane, Pole, Tigris), Tec-9 (Rebel, Terrace, Nuclear Threat, Hades, Rust Leaf, Decimator, Blast From, Orange Murano, Toxic, Fuel Injector, Remote Control, Bamboo Forest, Isaac, Avalanche, Brother, Re-Entry, Blue Titanium, Bamboozle), R8 Revolver (Banana Cannon, Fade, Blaze, Crimson Web, Liama Cannon, Crazy 8, Reboot, Canal Spray, Night, Amber Fade), Desert Eagle (Blaze, Hand Cannon, Fennec Fox, Sunset Storm, Emerald Jörmungandr, Pilot, Hypnotic, Golden Koi, Printstream, Cobalt Disruption, Code Red, Ocean Drive, Midnight Storm, Kumicho Dragon, Crimson Web, Heirloom, Night Heist, Mecha Industries, Night, Conspiracy, Trigger Discipline, Naga, Directive, Light Rail), Dual Berettas (Flora Carnivora, Duelist, Cobra Strike, Black Limba, Emerald, Hemoglobin, Twin Turbo, Marina, Melondrama, Pyre, Retribution, Briar, Dezastre, Royal Consorts, Urban Shock, Dualing Dragons, Panther, Balance), Rifles - Galil (Aqua Terrace, Winter Forest, Chatterbox, Sugar Rush, Pheonix Blacklight, CAUTION!, Orange DDPAT, Cerberus, Dusk Ruins, Eco, Chromatic Aberration, Stone Cold, Tuxedo, Sandstorm, Shattered, Urban Rubble, Rocket Pop, Kami, Crimson Tsunami, Connexion), SCAR-20 (Fragments, Brass, Cyrex, Palm, Splash Jam, Cardiac, Emerald, Crimson Web, Magna Carta, Stone Mosaico, Bloodsport, Enforcer), AWP (Duality, Gungnir, Dragon Lore, Prince, Medusa, Desert Hydra, Fade, Lightning Strike, Oni Taiji, Silk Tiger, Graphite, Chromatic Aberration, Asiimov, Snake Camo, Boom, Containment Breach, Wildfire, Redline, Electric Hive, Hyper Beast, Neo-Noir, Man-o'-war, Pink DDPAT, Corticera, Sun in Leo, Elite Build, Fever Dream, Atheris, Mortis, PAW, Exoskeleton, Worm God, POP AWP, Phobos, Acheron, Pit Viper, Capillary, Safari Mesh), AK-47 (Head Shot, Wild Lotus, Gold Arabesque, X-Ray, Fire Serpent, Hydroponic, Panthera Onca, Case Hardened, Vulcan, Jet Set, Fuel Injector, Bloodsport, Nightwish, First Class, Neon Rider, Asiimov, Red Laminate, Aquamarine Revenge, The Empress, Wasteland Rebel, Jaguar, Black Laminate, Leet Museo, Neon Revolution, Redline, Frontside Misty, Predator, Legion of Anubis, Point Disarray, Orbit Mk01, Blue Laminate, Green Laminate, Emerald Pinstripe, Cartel, Phantom Disruptor, Jungle Spray, Safety Net, Rat Rod, Baroque Purple, Slate, Elite Build, Uncharted, Safari Mesh), FAMAS (Sundown, Prime Conspiracy, Afterimage, Commemoration, Dark Water, Spitfire, Pulse, Eye of Athena, Meltdown, Rapid Eye Move, Roll Cage, Styx, Mecha Industrie, Djinn, ZX Spectron, Valence, Neural Net, Night Borre, Hexne), M4A4 (Temukau, Howl, Poseidon, Asiimov, Daybreak, Hellfire, Zirka, Red DDPAT, Radiation Hazard, Modern Hunter, The Emperor, The Coalition, Bullet Rain, Cyber Security, X-Ray, Dark Blossom, Buzz Kill, In Living Color, Neo-Noir, Desolate Space, 龍王 (Dragon King), Royal Paladin, The Battlestar, Global Offensive, Tooth Fairy, Desert-Strike, Griffin, Evil Daimyo, Spider Lily, Converter), M4A1-S (Emphorosaur-S, Welcome to the Jungle, Imminent Danger, Knight, Hot Rod, Icarus Fell, Blue Phosphor, Printstream, Master Piece, Dark Water, Golden Coil, Bright Water, Player Two, Atomic Alloy, Guardian, Chantico's Fire, Hyper Beast, Mecha Industries, Cyrex, Control Panel, Moss Quartz, Nightmare, Decimator, Leaded Glass, Basilisk, Blood Tiger, Briefing, Night Terror, Nitro, VariCamo, Flashback), SG 553 (Cyberforce, Hazard Pay, Bulldozer, Integrale, Dragon Tech, Ultraviolet, Colony IV, Hypnotic, Cyrex, Candy Apple, Barricade, Pulse), SSG 08 (Death Strike, Sea Calico, Blood in the Water, Orange Filigree, Dragonfire, Big Iron, Bloodshot, Detour, Turbo Peek, Red Stone), AUG (Akihabara Accept, Flame Jörmungandr, Hot Rod, Midnight Lily, Sand Storm, Carved Jade, Wings, Anodized Navy, Death by Puppy, Torque, Bengal Tiger, Chameleon, Fleet Flock, Random Access, Momentum, Syd Mead, Stymphalian, Arctic Wolf, Aristocrat, Navy Murano), G3SG1 (Chronos, Violet Murano, Flux, Demeter, Orange Kimono, The Executioner, Green Apple, Arctic Polar Camo, Contractor), SMGs - P90 (Neoqueen, Astral Jörmungandr, Run and Hide, Emerald Dragon, Cold Blooded, Death by Kitty, Baroque Red, Vent Rush, Blind Spot, Asiimov, Trigon, Sunset Lily, Death Grip, Leather, Nostalgia, Fallout Warning, Tiger Pit, Schermatic, Virus, Shapewood, Glacier Mesh, Shallow Grave, Chopper, Desert Warfare), MAC-10 (Sakkaku, Hot Snakes, Copper Borre, Red Filigree, Gold Brick, Graven, Case Hardened, Stalker, Amber Fade, Neon Rider, Tatter, Curse, Propaganda, Nuclear Garden, Disco Tech, Toybox, Heat, Indigo), UMP-45 (Wild Child, Fade, Blaze, Day Lily, Minotaur's Labyrinth, Crime Scene, Caramel, Bone Pile, Momentum, Primal Saber), MP7 (Teal Blossom, Fade, Nemesis, Whiteout, Asterion, Bloosport, Abyssal Apparition, Full Stop, Special Delivery, Neon Ply, Asterion, Ocean Foam, Powercore, Scorched, Impire), PP-Bizon (Modern Hunter, Rust Coat, Forest Leaves, Antique, High Roller, Blue Streak, Seabird, Judgement of Anubis, Bamboo Print, Embargo, Chemical Green, Coblat Halftone, Fuel Rod, Photic Zone, Irradiated Alert, Carbon Fiber), MP9 (Featherweight, Wild Lily, Pandora's Box, Stained Glass, Bulldozer, Dark Age, Hot Rod, Hypnotic, Hydra, Rose Iron, Music Box, Setting Sun, Food Chain, Airlock, Mount Fuji, Starlight Protector, Ruby Poison Dart, Deadly Poison), MP5-SD (Liquidation, Oxide Oasis, Phosphor, Nitro, Agent, Autumn Twilly), Shotguns, Machineguns - Sawed-Off (Kiss♥Love, First Class, Orange DDPAT, Rust Coat, The Kraken, Devourer, Mosaico, Wasteland Princess, Bamboo Shadow, Copper, Serenity, Limelight, Apocalypto), XM1014 (Frost Borre, Ancient Lore, Red Leather, Elegant Vines, Banana Leaf, Jungle, Urban Perforated, Grassland, Blaze Orange, Heaven Guard, VariCamo Blue, Entombed, XOXO, Seasons, Tranquility, Bone Machine, Incinegator, Teclu Burner, Black Tie, Zombie Offensive, Watchdog), Nova (Baroque Orange, Hyper Beast, Green Apple, Antique, Modern Hunter, Walnut, Forest Leaves, Graphite, Blaze Orange, Rising Skull, Tempest, Bloomstick, Interlock, Quick Sand, Moon in Libra, Clean Polymer, Red Quartz, Toy Soldier), MAG-7 (Insomnia, Cinqueda, Counter Terrace, Prism Terrace, Memento, Chainmail, Hazard, Justice, Bulldozer, Silver, Core Breach, Firestarter, Praetorian, Heat, Hard Water, Monster Call, BI83 Spectrum, SWAG-7), M249 (Humidor, Shipping Forecast, Blizzard Marbleized, Downtown, Jungle DDPAT, Nebula Crusader, Impact Drill, Emerald Poison Dart), Negev (Mjölnir, Anodized Navy, Palm, Power Loader, Bratatat, CaliCamo, Phoenix Stencil, Infrastructure, Boroque Sand), Wear - Factory New (FN), Minimal Wear (MW), Field-Tested (FT), Well-Worn (WW), Battle-Scarred (BS), Stickers Holo/Foil/Gold - Katowice 2014, Krakow 2017, Howling Dawn, Katowice 2015, Crown, London 2018, Cologne 2014, Boston 2018, Atlanta 2017, Cluj-Napoca 2015, DreamHack 2014, King on the Field, Harp of War, Winged Difuser, Cologne 2016, Cologne 2015, MLG Columbus 2016, Katowice 2019, Berlin 2019, RMR 2020, Stockholm 2021, Antwerp 2022, Swag Foil, Flammable foil, Others - Souvenirs, Agents, Pins, Passes, Gifts, Music Kits, Cases, Keys, Capsules, Packages, Patches

Some items on the list may no longer be available or are still locked, visit My Inventory for more details.

Send a Trade Offer for fastest response. I consider all offers.

Add me for discuss if there is a serious offer that needs to be discussed.

I've been trying to figure out how to watch games this season. It's frustrating. If anyone has an option I just don't know about somehow, well -- here's what I've looked at so far, and maybe it will save someone else some time:

1. I live in the region, so MLB.TV (which I get free through TMobile) is blacked out. Although it's nice to get the radio stream.
2. I have Spectrum streaming right now, but I'd love to get rid of it. Expensive, cruddy app, bad service.
3. I got a Fubo free trial, but it's damned expensive. I thought I would be able to share it with family but you can only stream from one TV device at a time.
4. Bally Sports + is not and will not be an option? What's happening with Bally anyway
5. DirectTV is more expensive than my Spectrum streaming package
6. YouTubeTV, Sling, Hulu+ all don't have it.

Am I missing one? I hope so. Over the past decade it's just become such a battle figuring out how to watch regional sports.
Edit - I missed this post from just a couple days ago about this too. https://www.reddit.com/ClevelandGuardians/comments/12498og/how_to_watch_the_guards_game_friday_night/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

Hello,
I have a strange and difficult situation, and I'd love a few extra brains on it.
My "step" daughter has an nmom, she is 16 years old and lived every other week with her mom and us. We have full custody of her younger brother because of the mothers abuse and his young age which was a recent development. They have been investigated by CPS many times and she has been with her mom with state mandated family therapy sessions (which only resulted in gaslighting, pain and guilt unfortunately), however she asked to end these a while ago. To sum the situation up shortly: I live in Sweden, they have a state institution for children with serious mental health issues called BUP. She was admitted to their clinic and diagnosed with depression and anxiety a year ago. Shortly before, she had written a letter, 14 pages long, to CPS, detailing every thing she had never dared to say about her mother. She wrote down every memory, every feeling, everything she could remember from her entire childhood that her mother had done to her. Knowing full well her mother demanded every bit of documentation printed and sent to her by any and all institutions who may have spoken to the girl. She knew full well her mom would read every single world.
And this girl, let me tell you, she took guilt trips HARD. But she had been running away alot during the time leading up to all of this, and it would give us more time to "build" her and her confidence and give her space to breathe. She had grown balls. She was tough, she really wanted to stand up for herself.
CPS mandated more of those idiotic gaslighting sessions with a therapist. She never told me what her mom said when she got the letter. She called me one night hysterical when she saw her mom had recieved it in the mail, and since then she won't tell me what anyone said. She stopped speaking about it. Says its fine. Her psychologists at BUP recommended us to distract her, don't talk about it. She was suicidal, we obliged without a thought! Started taking anti depressants, now she isn't here anymore. She occupies no space. She doesn't share her feelings, she never asks for anything, she never plans anything, she hasn't been with friends in months, when she comes on Monday she sleeps every hour of the day except school time until thursday. She is funny and energetic and present on Friday and Saturdays, and she always gets a migraine on Sunday. She is failing in school. She has had to suffer a lot of humiliation regarding schoolwork and she thinks she's incapable, dumb and is so terrified of making mistakes she doesn't even try. Picks up the hobbies her mother loves that she spent years trying to get out of (horseback riding), that she hated with all her being. Now she says she wants to make a career of it. We are so scared. If we try to talk about her mom and ask her whats going on, she has a panic attack. She starts hyperventilating until we promise to not talk about it more. She stares at us and tells us "its fine" when we say we see she isnt okay, and she "doesn't know what we are talking about" as her eyes overflow with tears. We have no idea what to do! The whole situation is insane.
There is a pile of unread letters in her room, detailing how much we love her and how we want to help and we want to understand, yet be respectful of her space etc. She doesn't open them. We noticed recently. Some of them are just notes, "I'm so proud of you for applying yourself studying for the math test. I see how hard you work", or "You're beautiful and intelligent and interesting and curious! Be proud of yourself" etc. She doesn't want to read them. Maybe it's stupid, but we have been trying any and everything to connect. We lost her when she sent that letter. We have no idea if she is okay. I dont know if she is on the brink of suicide or shes working her way to something good.
She's not rude, she's respectful and kind and she helps out when we ask her, she wants to participate in all family acitivites, when we invite her to do stuff even when its her moms week, she tries to get here. She's not all doom and gloom, she just occupies no space. She comes on Monday sometimes kind of in attack mode, she reacts as if everyone is fighting with her and catches herself being "bitchy", and her eyes water again. She can yell and afterward notice the shock on the recipient family members face, because the vibes in the two homes are so incredibly different. No wonder it's difficult for her. She once told me how the second she starts crying she feels such shame, and thinks she's "overreacting" and whatnot. I have to much love to give this poor girl.
She "fired" the psychologists soon after she sent the letter, started lying to them and saying how she wasn't even that depressed, the stuff about her mom wasn't even a big deal etcetc. Of course her mother sat in on all these meetings, but apparantly that doesn't affect their decision to allow her to disrupt treatment. We don't give her antidepressants, it's a ridiculously low dose, it's simply for show because her mom likes to use it as an excuse for the depression (blames chemical imbalance) and get some munchausen sorta kick out of it.
I digress, my theory is that the fear leading up to her mom reading the letter, the little period of 2-3 weeks from the ballsy moment of her sending it, to the soul crushing one when her mom was to read it: built so much fear in her she backed out. She "bought" moms gaslighting world, she changed who she is to who her mom wants her to be, she became as small as she could, she learned that if only I do this and that, mom doesn't yell, she doesn't make me feel shame or guilt etc. So she somehow learned to become her doll, catering to her moms needs. She exists sort of as an extension of the mothers own person. There is too much to tell, so I'm describing as well as I can. I feel as if she spends the week at our house resting up so she can tolerate her mother for just one more week. I feel that this arrangement is allowing her to suffer a "slow death", because she doesn't have the strength emotionally to change anything. If she just act in this and that way, mom will love her. She is so desperate for that love, the poor child. It feels like we are enabling her to stay just above water, so this goes on forever. We have no time to make an impact on her the time she is here, because she is so exhausted from the time there. She refuses to move in like her younger brother, she insists on every other week.
Anyway, we don't want to sue for custody because she REALLY don't want that, and she is so old they wouldn't let it go to trial anyway if she wan't interested herself. Her mom lets her skip school, she doesn't do homework, they are simply in the stables playing pretend.
We are coming up with all sorts of ideas for developing a self care routine, we push and motivate about schoolwork, we get tutors, we really spend the quality time trying to be there for her, we teach her about affirmations, self respect and discipline and it's like she is a zombie. She's too tired, we can hardly get past the small talk.
We are scared of letting this go on and on forever. She is disappearing. We are so scared there will be nothing left of her, she just keeps getting drained.
We want to tell her that we have to do something about school, sleep, functional social life and mental health (mood). We want to say that if she refuses to talk about mom, we will respect this, however we will have to assume either switching homes or being with her mother is causing all these side effects and some poor decision making. We want to say we can call it seperation anxiety if she would like (otherwise I think we will get the teenage sass and we really want to keep her in a non attacking nor defense position - if humanly possible), however we have to do something about it. We want to tell her that she is welcome to move in or change the schedule so she spends more time here than with her mother, but if she insists on 50/50, then we will make sure its 3 weeks on and off (or something like that).
We might be insane. This is why we are checking with you guys first. But the idea is to exhaust her. Her mom cant keep being "tolerable" for more than that one week, so 3 weeks would take everything from that poor girl. But three weeks at our house would give her one whole week to rest, and then she would have two full weeks of encouragement, healthy activities, quality time with the family, we'd push her to go to parties and let her throw a party or two, we could build and build and build, we could get TIME to let her feel loved and heard and important. And then she could feel the terror of facing three weeks with her mom again. And with enough joy and safety and support in her back, maybe she could find courage to create some distance. Maybe I could teach her how to set healthy boundaries, give her more tools to develop her self respect. We could bond again.
I have no idea. This is a particularily bad idea because enforcing it if she chooses to be difficult is HARD. Firstly, we would have to deny her back for 3 weeks when she goes to her moms house. That means we would have to not pick her up if she escapes. Maybe there is someway we could get around that, i dont know, I'm very open for suggestions. Secondly, we control her phone through a parent plan thing on apple. We have 0 restrictions, but access to completely shut her out of all apps or only allow calls and messages to and from us. That's about the leverage we have. We want to try with telling her this is our decision, the best thing would be for her to be part of it but I don't think we can get there, however it's not like we can physically restrain her. And she certainly might try to "call our bluff". CPS is not going to like it, and nmom could certainly use it against us if given the chance.
We don't want to wait anymore. The longterm trauma the psychological abuse is having on her is affecting her self esteem, confidence, school work, development and every single aspect of her life. She refuses that she isn't doing well, she doesn't want a therapist, she doesn't wan't to share anything with us, she doesn't want us to sue for custody, she doesn't want CPS or the state involved, she doesn't want us to go to family therapy, she wants to live in her moms gaslighting world, and she wants us to be there with her and pretend everything is perfect, while she is giving up every last piece of herself adapting and changing to please her mother. This is the best plan we have got, and we aren't even sure it's possible to enforce.
I just want her to know she is loved no matter what, I want her to feel free to be who she is and to explore and develop and enjoy her damn life.
Her brother is doing so so so well, he is a whole different boy since he moved in full time. We just want the time to give her the tools she needs to take care of herself and learn to love herself and consider herself worthy of respect and kindness.
I'm rambling. Desperation, panic and perhaps some insanity has led me here, so I'm just checking with you guys if you have any better ideas or maybe I'm just crazy.
Thank you for reading so far, please take the time to type a response. The more humanity I can get before we have to act, the better. Help us protect her, obviously people who have gone through the same thing know best what they themselves wanted or needed, and you can all sympathize and offer perspective in ways I can't.
I love these children more than anything, they are worth every second of your time; I promise.
I appriciate any and all advice!

This is pretty long so just warning ya here.
For lore/clarification purposes: I mainly had seizures as a toddlechild, these were full convulsions and I wasn’t aware of them. My mother told me later as an adult and looking back I can remember instances. I suffer from mental health issues too. I also took an edible last night. My intention with this question is to get insight if you are someone who has seizures and in reading this can tell I had a seizure or to just give me some insight. I do plan on seeing a neurologist but I have shit experience with doctors and we all know how dismissive the medical system can be. I would want to feel validated in my experience if it is a seizure. One of my close friends who actively had seizures in high school constantly, told me my experience sounds like one too. So of course I come on Reddit to get a bit more insight.
So I went to go see “Everything everywhere all at once” last night a the movies. The whole day I was having deja vu and I knew things that were going to happen before they even did. I normally experience that but this is the first time that I felt it ALL day. I felt very off when I woke up and relatively anxious. It was my birthday though so I didn’t think too much of it and considered it to be that. I took half of an edible right before the movie and felt okay then took the second half after about 40 minutes. I was feeling the high but it wasn’t anything new. I then started to twitch a lot and feel the deja vu full on. The screen was flashing really hard and the movie started to give me whiplash. I started to psychically feel like I was in a roller coaster and my body was clenching and I felt mentally I was just trying to hold on. My stomach feeling like it went to a high point only to drop in and out again. I was blacking in and out throughout the movie and can’t even recall the last half. Kept feeling the urge to scream or vomit. I also kept crying in the movie (I know it’s emotional for those that know it and I am an emotional person) but I was already crying in the first three minutes of the movie before anything substantial happened, it’s like I had no control of myself at all. Once the movie ended, I had to stay seated I was fully conscious but if I moved I would’ve fallen to the floor. I felt like I was going to faint at any moment. My legs ended up jerking forward and slamming into the seat in front of me uncontrollably. My whole body felt as if it was flexing and I couldn’t put a stop to it. I was in probably the most pain I’ve ever had been because it wasn’t just physical it felt like a very mental and emotional thing too. I had the need to hold on to my body and be in the fetal so I just would bend over my legs and just hold on to them in the seat. The weed definitely didn’t help and in fact made that experience more difficult to move through. I kept feeling very confused and straight up terrified. I had a big sense of fear. As something bad was going to happen to me although I was relatively safe and had friends supporting me. I had some memory loss moments where I forgot where I was or who I was and I felt the need to remind myself constantly. Afterwards I felt a huge wave of embarrassment and exhaustion. I couldn’t even walk on my own and I don’t remember much of what happened last night, I remember flashes. I was so disoriented and unresponsive as well. I could hear my friends call out to me and at times I just couldn’t respond. I had to close my eyes and just focus on breathing or being in some meditative state. I’ve heard and seen crazy edible stories. I’ve also been viciously high before but it’s never been like this. Would really appreciate a point in some direction or feedback, thank you in advance!

In the summer of 1978, thirty year old Patricia Mary Kerger, known to all as Patty, had a fresh start in life- Patty was recently divorced, having split from her aircraft mechanic husband, Jay. While Jay was focusing on his career in aircraft mechanics and being part owner of a company called Blue Sky Aviation (as well as “smuggling weed” as a way of making extra cash,) Patty was focusing on her own career in real estate, working for Red Carpet Realty, in Phoenix. Patty’s therapist described her as having a lot of drive, being quite intelligent, and as “making it a little bit tough on some man to get to know her too well,” when it came to dating. The office manager at the realty company stated that Patty dated a lot of “strange and kind of far out guys” and that she enjoyed partying, but all who knew Patty knew that her main focus was her 10 year old son, Eric.
By 1978, Patty had been having a year long affair with her married boss, Clyde Poulin. Clyde went on to describe his affair with Patty as on and off, but passionate, stating ”It was one of the situations where we’d break up on Monday, and get back together on Tuesday.” Clyde was very secretive about their affair, as he was married and had 5 children- after the murder of Patty Kerger, he had asked police to keep the affair a secret, which they agreed. In 2003, when an article was written about the case, Clyde has asked the East Valley Tribune not to publish the information about the affair, but they did not oblige.
The night before Patty was killed, she and Eric had moved into a new apartment together, and were just beginning to settle in. The next day, on June 10, Patty spent the afternoon with her son and father at the Purple Turtle, a restaurant located on 12th street and Indian School Road. Patty was last seen around 4:30 p.m. near her new apartment complex on 7th Street and Bethany Home Road, where she had left for an appointment she had scheduled at 5 p.m.- however, she did not show up. The appointment was to tour a McCormick Ranch home to a client from Tucson- strangely, she had scheduled this appointment to show the home to the client alone, which Patty was not prone to do, as there had been a recent string of rapes of real estate agents in the valley at this time. (Please note: one source states that Patty did in fact make it to this appointment, but, majority of newspaper articles claim that she did not.)
The next day, Patty’s lifeless body was discovered in a vacant lot on the southeast corner of 56th Street and Thomas Road. The body was fully clothed and lying in a pool of blood, and the contents of her purse were dumped out beside her- she had been bludgeoned with a heavy object about the head, and stabbed several times, including one stab wound to the chest. The police described the killing as brutal and frenzied. Vaguely, the police also mentioned that they found one item at the scene that could be linked to Patty’s killer, but what that item is, has never been stated. Police believe the murder occurred between 8:45 and 9:10 p.m. on June 10th, and that she was killed elsewhere and dumped where her body was found. Soon after, her car was located behind a Black Angus Steakhouse on 20th Street and Camelback Road (and, on an unrelated personal note, the exact same complex where I once worked.) Authorities stated that they believe she had met someone she knew at the Black Angus, and then left in their car with them, before her murder.
After conducting numerous interviews, police were able to clear the client from Tucson, as well as Patty’s affair partner, Clyde. In an attempt to gather any more leads, they had put the receptionist from Red Carpet Realty under hypnosis, hoping she may recall a name or detail from the phone calls coming into the office that week- however, this led no where. Naturally, Patty’s ex-husband Jay was called in as a person of interest, and looked at closely. After speaking with their son, Eric, it was learned that the divorce was amicable, but, that weeks before the murder, the two had an explosive fight, causing Eric to run out of the house and down the street to a neighbor’s home. Police speculate that the fight may have occurred because Jay had recently remarried, and wanted to take Eric to visit his new wife’s parents in Pennsylvania. Jay had provided an alibi for the night of June 10, 1978, however- he claimed that he was in Needles, California, despite having a plane flight from Pennsylvania to Phoenix that same evening. Jay stated that he was at a diner in Needles and that the waitress can be spoken to, in order to verify his claim- this waitress was indeed located, and verified his statements, but added an additional detail that Jay left out: he was dining with an unknown man. This man was never identified and never spoken to. Incredibly, later on, Jay would change his alibi once again, stating he was actually deep in the desert directing a plane with a marijuana drop. When spoken to years later about the murder of his ex-wife, Jay stated:

”I'm the ex-husband, so I'm the prime suspect. I'm very sorry they (still) think that, because it's taking them in the wrong direction. My personal opinion is that this is just like the Bob Crane murder. They unprofessionally didn't do things right."

Nearly 45 years have passed since the murder of Patty Kerger, and police are no closer to finding her justice. When last reported on, Jay was living in Texas, and hasn’t spoken to his son Eric in years.
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