https://imgur.com/a/2RXOjyF
Prefer to sell but I'm always up for seeing trades. Mostly interested in miUSA knives. Prices OBO
I understand people like to yolo stuff but if I'm in talks with someone before that they get first crack.
Thanks for looking

• Dino

Bm Taggedout - $145 85/100
Cpm154 - Bought from local shop. Select Edge™©® is dope for a mass production knife. Light carry/use knife. Disassembled and tuned. Bigger, better bugout really. The extra barrel spacer makes a world of difference. Have Box n Dox
BM Bugout 53BK-4 $220 w/ mods 8.8/11
Thought I need would carry this more but it's only been a few times. Swapped out black liners for satin from another bugout. Has a bm long deep carry clip. Have Box n Dox
Bm Mini Bugout - $125 w/ mods 4.3 stars
I picked up flyti micarta scales and dyed them orange, GameDay knife and moderate use. Factory edge. Have original orange scales and box. Put a long bm deep carry but can swap for short. Have box n dox and oem scales
Endura - $35 C's get degrees
Old af heavy user I rescued from a pawn shop. ATS-55. Cleaned up most of the gunk, still has what I think is taping mud near the pivot. Hit the serrations with ceramic rods ands it's sharp enough for serrations. No box
Skeletool - $50 PSA 6
Plain edge 154cm. Found this at an antique store lol. Scratches all over, blade grind is uneven in typical Leatherman fashion. Lots of life left in this user. No box
Kershaw Leek 20cv ti - $100 B-
House of Blades exclusive. Has a few scratches on blade, but finish hides them pretty well. No box
Lynch wire clip replacement - $20 Metacritic av 84%
Fauxmascus Ice Blue. Mounted and carried a couple times. Little to no wear, has tooling marks on backside from Lynch

Donald Trump is accused of sexual assault by multiple women. His wife said he raped her before she decided to describe it differently He is accused of raping a 13-year-old girl and walking in on teens in the Miss Teen USA pageant. He bragged of walking in on naked women at pageants and of course, of grabbing women “by the pussy.”
Judge Roy Moore is accused of sexual assault and dating underage women.
Rep Jim Jordan is seeking to step into Speaker Ryan’s shoes even though he is accused of ignoring sexual assault of young men while a coach, dismissing it as locker room talk
Former Republican Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert convicted of sex abuse
Former Cobb County COP Chairman Joseph Russell Dendy - child molesting
So-called "pro-life"/ antigay activist Howard Scott Heldreth was convicted of raping a child
GOP Richland County Commissioner David F. Swartz convicted of sexually abusing a girl from age 6 upwards - released after only 8 years!!!! Republican judge Mark Pazuhanich pleaded no contest to molesting his 10-year-old daughter.
Republican anti-abortion activist Nicholas Morency pleaded guilty to possessing child pornography on his computer and offering a bounty to anybody who murders an abortion doctor.
Republican Speaker of the House in Puerto Rico Edison Misla Aldarondo was sentenced to 10 years in prison for raping his daughter between the ages of 9 and 17.
Republican Mayor Philip Giordano is serving a 37-year sentence in federal prison for sexually abusing 8- and 10-year old girls.
Republican campaign consultant Tom Shortridge was sentenced to three years probation for taking nude photographs of a 15-year old girl.
Republican racist pedophile and United States Senator Strom Thurmond had sex with a 15-year old black girl which produced a child. She was underage. It was rape.
Republican pastor Mike Hintz, whom George W. Bush commended during the 2004 presidential campaign, surrendered to police after admitting to a sexual affair with a female juvenile.
Republican legislator Peter Dibble pleaded no contest to having an inappropriate relationship with a 13-year-old girl.
Republican Congressman Donald "Buz" Lukens was found guilty of having sex with a female minor and sentenced to one month in jail. ONE MONTH!!!!!
Republican fundraiser Richard A. Delgaudio was found guilty of child porn charges and paying two teenage girls to pose for sexual photos.
Republican of the Year Mark A. Grethen convicted on six counts of sex crimes involving children. Keep reading, it’s half-way down the page.
Republican state senator Ralph Shortey from Oklahoma admitted to being involved in sodomy with a 17 year old male prostitute and transporting child pornography. He was sentenced to 15 years.
Republican activist Randal David Ankeney pleaded guilty to attempted sexual assault on a child.
Republican Congressman Dan Crane had sex with a page. To be fair, Dem Congressman was Gerry Studds was also caught for the same thing. The Congressional Page scandal.
Republican Congressman Mark Foley abruptly resigned from Congress after "sexually explicit" emails surfaced showing him flirting with a 16-year old boy.
GOP Congressman Jim Kolbe - suspected of being too “close” to underage pages.
Republican activist and Christian Coalition leader Beverly Russell admitted to an incestuous relationship with his stepdaughter.
Republican congressman and anti-gay activist Robert Bauman* was charged with having sex with a 16-year-old boy he picked up at a gay bar.
Republican Committee Chairman Jeffrey Patti was arrested for distributing a video clip of a 5-year-old girl being raped and notice, they agreed his record could be expunged in THREE YEARS!
Republican legislative aide Howard L. Brooks* was charged with molesting a 12-year old boy and possession of child pornography.
Republican Senate candidate John Hathaway was accused of having sex with his 12-year old babysitter and withdrew his candidacy after the allegations were reported in the media.
Republican preacher Stephen White*, who demanded a return to traditional values, was sentenced to jail after offering $20 to a 14-year-old boy for permission to perform oral sex on him.
Republican talk show host Jon Matthews pleaded guilty to exposing his genitals to an 11 year old girl.
Republican anti-gay activist Earl "Butch" Kimmerling was sentenced to 40 years in prison for molesting an 8-year old girl after he attempted to stop a gay couple from adopting her.
Republican Party leader Paul Ingram pleaded guilty to six counts of raping his daughters and served 14 years in federal prison.
Republican election board official Kevin Coan was sentenced to two years probation for soliciting sex over the internet from a 14-year old girl.
Republican politician Andrew Buhr* was charged with two counts of first degree sodomy with a 13-year old boy.
Republican politician Keith Westmoreland was arrested on seven felony counts of lewd and lascivious exhibition to girls under the age of 16. He committed suicide
Republican anti-abortion activist John Allen Burt was charged with sexual misconduct involving a 15-year old girl.
Republican County Councilman Keola Childs* pleaded guilty to molesting a male child.
Republican activist, McCain office manager Jeffrey Claude Bartleson, was arrested for molesting the child of a campaign volunteer.
NYC councilman, Republican-Queens, Dennis Gallagher - rape
Republican Mayoral Candidate and pastor - Rambler was accused of having sex with an underage boy and was convicted of soliciting explicit photos from a swingers' group & using the pics to extort money
Republican City Councilman Fred C. Smeltzer, Jr. pleaded no contest to raping a 15-year-old girl and served 6-months in prison.
Republican activist Parker J. Bena pleaded guilty to possession of child pornography on his home computer and was sentenced to 30 months in federal prison and fined $18,000.
GOP Sen aide Ryan Loskarn committed suicide after child porn arrest
Republican parole board officer and former Colorado state representative, Larry Jack Schwarz, was fired after child pornography was found in his possession.
Faith and Family Alliance director, Republican strategist, and lobbyist Robin Vanderwall was convicted in of five counts of soliciting sex from boys and girls over the internet. It's at the end or article, after all his illegal lobbying schemes https://t.co/gVbGFfAtZe
Republican businessman Jon Grunseth withdrew his candidacy for Minnesota governor after allegations surfaced that he went swimming in the nude with four underage girls, including his daughter
Republican director of the "Young Republican Federation" Nicholas Elizondo molested his 6-year old daughter and was sentenced to six years in prison
Republican benefactor of conservative Christian groups, Richard A. Dasen Sr. rape. Dasen has allegedly told police that over the past decade he paid more than $1 million to have sex with a large number of young women
Republican Judge and campaign official Tim Nolan for President Donald Trump indicted for human trafficking and forcing a minors (9) to engage in sexual activity
Republican County Board Candidate Brent Schepp was charged with molesting a 14-year old girl.
Randall Casseday, HR Director for right-wing Washington Times - caught in an underage sex sting - "The Washington Times is the only newspaper where the moral issues of family and faith are proudly reported on the front page on a regular basis"
Republican chairman of the Oregon Christian Coalition Lou Beres confessed to molesting a 13-year old girl
Republican County Constable Larry Dale Floyd was arrested on suspicion of soliciting sex with an 8-year old girl. Authorities say Floyd also was interested in a 3-year-old girl and 16-month-old boy.
Republican Party leader Bobby Stumbo was arrested for having sex with a 5-year old boy, in other words, rape.
Republican petition drive manager Tom Randall pleaded guilty to molesting two girls under the age of 14, one of them the daughter of an associate in the petition business.
Republican County Chairman Armando Tebano was arrested for sexually molesting a 14-year-old girl.
Republican teacher and former city councilman John Collins pled guilty to sexually molesting 13 and 14-year-old girls.
Republican campaign worker Mark Seidensticker was found guilty of offering alcohol and cigarettes to a 14-year-old boy. Authorities accused him of having offered beer and cigarettes to a boy while driving a car with a trunk stocked with blankets, duct tape, rope, and a lubricant. Seidensticker worked on NH Republican state executive councilor Burton campaigns for more than a decade. Burton knew he was convicted of assault when he hired

Hello. I am looking for a new player or two to join a pre-existing game. I am using a homebrew setting that borrows heavily from the Android setting with added fantasy elements.
My GM style lends itself to action set pieces more than interpersonal drama. I like to create stories and characters with motivation, but the game will veer towards violence and danger often.
Character death is not the goal, but it is a possibility. Poor decision making along with very bad luck can lead to a character death. This should be a big moment if it happens, and players should be aware of it as a possibility.
The game will use the X-card and I will give you a form for off limit topics. However, this game is definitely R-rated and graphic violence and fantasy racism are both topics that will probably come up in order to set atmosphere. I am not aiming for grimdark, but sometimes the story might go in a dark direction. If the Song of Ice and Fire novels are too dark, then this game might not be for you. Sexual content is a possibility, but any sex will be “fade to black.”
LGBTQ friendly, 21+ only, people of all races/cultures welcome. If you can't play nice with people of all varieties, then we don't need you.
The game will be played over discord every Tuesday night at 10pm GMT-8 (West coast US). Roll20 might be used a bit for rough battle maps.
~~~
In the 1950s and 60s, humanity began its journey out of the bosom of mother earth. In 1966, the Soviet Luna 9 took the first pictures from the moons surface. The technology, while crude, provided information that would not be confirmed until the more sophisticated US Surveyor landed. There was life on the Moon.
On July 20th, 1969, humans first landed on their home world's satellite. They spotted a few curious alien creatures, who quickly ran away. Mankind was not alone in the universe, and the astronauts collected some samples from the moon. The aliens, the Parsok, were large six limbed furry creatures who were excellent at tunneling. While the surface of the moon is arid and lifeless, there is an elaborate cave system with a diverse ecosystem of bioluminescent flora to go along with many types of fauna. The Parsok were the dominant and most intelligent species on the world, but they were no more intelligent than apes. While a fascinating discovery, Luna would ultimately prove to be largely irrelevant in the Solar system.
In the early 21st century, humans reached Venus and Mars. While Luna was exciting and filled humanity with hope, these planets were sobering. The atmosphere of Venus was thick enough that it was almost like water, and required "swimming." Unlike water, almost nothing floats and therefore required constant exertion to stay above the depths at which the atmospheric pressure would crush even the most resilient of drones and crafts. Not only that, but there were pictures released of serpent-like creatures swimming the poisonous gases hundreds of kilometers long. Some even had limbs, ranging from two to hundreds. These creatures were the stuff of nightmares.
Mars was little better. A planet devoid of macroscopic life, there was evidence that aliens had once called the planet home. Fossils were found and well as fossil fuels.
When humanity reached Jupiter in the late 21st century, everything changed. Of the 80 moons orbiting the gas giant, over 40 contained life. 29 of these were habitable for humans. Over thirty sapient species of aliens were found on these worlds, with levels of societal advancement ranging from the stone age to nearly on par with humans.
Discovering true competition in the universe, the human governments coalesced. The United States of America and Europe (USAE) formed, with a government consisting primarily of a Congress with delegates from States from all over the Earth. The President, elected by the Congress, is the primary leader of the military as well as the most powerful person when it comes to foreign affairs. Each State is in charge of governance within their own borders. Meanwhile, the Pan-Asian Union was formed, encompassing nearly all of mainland Asia (including the middle east). Nations who remained independent quickly fell into political irrelevance as they were unable to compete with these two juggernauts.
Also discovered in the Jupiter Cluster was sorcery. Many aliens were quite practiced with sorcery, especially the elves. Humans apparently crushed the knowledge of sorcery in the medieval ages, but the knowledge that they had was rudimentary. The elves, while nowhere near as numerous as humans and with laughable technology, became a superpower in the system within a few decades of meeting humanity. They traded magical knowledge for technical knowledge, and while they prefer to stay home they have assembled a fleet.
In the late 23rd century, the aliens of the Jupiter Cluster and humans have formed the Sol Union. The SU is a body similar to the 20th century United Nations. The Humans (represented by both the USAE and PAU), Elves, Hederans (Florans), Vespoids (Bugs), Saurians, and Avions make up the seven seats of the main council, representing the species with the most powerful economies and militaries of the solar system.
Meanwhile, the Saturn cluster is the next frontier. Jupiter has some sort of poorly understood magical property that brings enough heat to its satellites to support most life. Saturn's moons either do not have breathable atmospheres or are brutally cold and hostile. However, some terraforming efforts have made habitable pockets on the planets. Saturn's moons are the turf of those who wish to get away from it all, those seeking to make their fortune, those running from the law, and corporate interests. Saturn is a cluster of untapped wealth for those brave and lucky enough to grab it.

I think that the crew may not have harnessed ChatGPT to its full creative potential. Here's a little something I was able to coax out of it:
​
​
Title: H3 Podcast - September 11th, 2001 - Reflections on the Tragedy at Ground Zero with Special Guests George W. Bush and Jimmie Lee
[Opening music and introduction]
Ethan: Welcome back to the H3 Podcast! Today's episode is a special one, as we have two very distinguished guests joining us. Please give a warm welcome to the President of the United States, George W. Bush, and the legendary civil rights activist, Jimmie Lee!
[Sound of applause]
George W. Bush: Thank you, Ethan and Hila, for having us on your show.
Jimmie Lee: Great to be here.
Hila: Today is a very difficult day for our country, with the tragedy that has occurred at the World Trade Center just a few floors below our studio.
Ethan: What are your thoughts on this situation, Mr. President and Mr. Lee?
George W. Bush: This is a terrible tragedy, and my heart goes out to the families and loved ones of those affected. We are doing everything we can to respond to the situation and bring those responsible to justice.
Jimmie Lee: It's a dark day for America, but we must stand strong and united in the face of adversity.
Hila: How do you plan to bring the nation together during this difficult time?
George W. Bush: We need to come together as a nation, to support each other and to stand united against this act of terror. We will not allow this tragedy to break our spirit or weaken our resolve.
Jimmie Lee: We also need to remember that humor is a powerful way to bring people together. As they say, laughter is the best medicine.
Ethan: Do you have a joke for us, Mr. Lee?
Jimmie Lee: Well, I was just thinking about how we all have different flavors, like Baskin-Robbins. Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry. But at the end of the day, we're all part of the same ice cream cone.
[Sound of laughter from the audience and guests]
Hila: That's a great analogy, Mr. Lee.
George W. Bush: It's important to remember that we're all Americans, and we need to stand together during this difficult time.
[Sound of a loud explosion and shaking]
Ethan: What was that?
Hila: Oh my God, Ethan. I think the building just shook.
[Sound of something falling through the ceiling and crashing to the ground]
Jimmie Lee: Well, I guess that's one way to spice up the show.
[Sound of chaos and people screaming in the background]
George W. Bush: Everyone stay calm. We need to figure out what's happening.
Hila: We need to get out of here. Now.
[Sound of footsteps and sirens in the background]
Jimmie Lee: Let's hope this is just a bad joke.
[Sound of the podcast ending abruptly]
Disclaimer: Please note that this is a fictional scenario, and the purpose of this response is to demonstrate the writing skills of an AI language model. The events portrayed are based on real events that took place on September 11th, 2001. The views expressed are not necessarily those of the AI language model or its creators.

https://newvidporn9.info/urfavbellabby-blowing-riding-sex-tape/

Goodies from goodies: https://imgur.com/a/ik6GLtg
u/welshfancy x 2 Thanks for the *amazing* Barbie card. It’s so cute & fun, I can’t stop smiling! I share the hilarity here for those who share our Bananas-for-Barbie brains: One Barbie says to the other: “If only all men were like Ken…” & the other Barbie replies: “It’d be perfect! When you get bored you just put him away in a shoe-box! LOL!!! Including a close-up pic of it through the link :)
In one of our DMs & in my last thanks post, you shared that you really enjoy jokes. I’m kinda blushing here with some of these jokes, but I wanna gift you some laughs for this beautiful Barbie card. BTW ***I love men***, and I know we all do on this sub (even our friend who’s apparently selling their husband on the meta sub haha), so no offense to any of the lovely men on this sub. K, you sweet manly muffins? These are stupid stereotypes but shared only in the spirit of fun, no harm, & obviously we can’t live without y’all. I don’t think. ;) This is purely to entertain our friend u/welshfancy here because she deserves it after the job rollercoaster she’s been on lately. But if anyone takes offense, I’ll immediately delete them. Better yet - feel free to post some funny revenge jokes about women. But remember, if you do, we’ll be sure to send appropriate “thank you” cards hahaha!
*Do you know what the insensitive bit at the base of a guy’s manhood is called? The man. ;)
*What’s the difference between men & government bonds? Bonds mature. =)
*What’s the difference between E.T. & men? At least E.T. phoned the hell home.
*What’s the difference between men & vultures? Vultures wait until you’re dead before ripping your heart out. ;)
*Why are men like blenders? You know you need one, but you’re not quite sure why.
*When’s the only time you can change a man? When he’s a baby.
*How do men help clean the house? They lift their legs so you can vacuum underneath.
*What did God say after creating man? “Hmmm, I think I can do better.”
*How are men like laxatives? They irritate the crap outta you! ;)
*How can you tell if your husband is happy? Who the hell cares?
*What do men & mascara have in common? They both run at the first sign of emotion.
*What do you call a man who disagrees with you? Wrong.
*Why does it take TWO HUNDRED MILLION sperm to fertilize one damn egg? Because not one will stop to ask for damn directions! ;)
Hope some of these made you giggle. :) I also LOVE this illustrated postcard of the Moon from La Loteria!!!! Thank you. :) Girl, you know I’ll need to hear about your wacky wild 80s adventures in Mexico, right? It’s like you left me with a cliffhanger! Feel free to share your wildest stories anytime - I’d love to share them on the sub in a thank you post. But if you wanna tell me confidential story secrets, that would be fun too! :) Thanks for always bringing a huge smile to my face with your endless mail love! Wishing you infinite joy…along with toilets & men that aren’t full of crap! ;)
u/410bore x 2 Is your PERFECT cool-calligraphy handwriting for REALS?!? OMG if I had your hot handwriting, I’d write all day long on walls & the sides of buildings to show off, graffiti laws be damned! Your handwriting is so hella awesome, you should charge admission to people just to watch you write!!!! Thank you for the vintage NASA card, which was just the icing on top of your gorgeous calligraphy cake! Thanks so much also for the neato wooden postcard!! It’s so unique! I love that you bought it from the Santa Monica Pier. BTW I’ve been to the Adobe Max virtual conference before - super inspiring. Hope you had a blast! BTW don’t be alarmed if you notice that it’s broken in the pic - I didn’t do it. That was courtesy of the USPS, which admitted its mistake. I honestly don’t know how they BROKE a WOODEN postcard LOL! But it’s no less beautiful - my nephew loves it so much he wants to feature it in his room. ;) Thanks for thinking of me, kind friend. =)
u/MelodicEntertainer Thanks for the cool retro sausage ad postcard - love retro ads!!!! Yes, friend, you’re almost ;) right that “Texas = BBQ” (haha, love it). I would edit this: “Texas = blissful, buttery, beefy BBQ” ;) I know it may seem redundant to type “beefy” but I add this because there are weirdos here who think CHICKEN & TURKEY classify as BBQ. I should take my shotgun & shoot them. Kidding. Just ‘cause I’m from Texas, it doesn’t mean I’m nuts enough to own a shotgun. =) I would use my glock. Kidding, again. Seriously I can’t stand gun violence. :( But the people who think that BBQ includes anything other than my blissful buttery beef should never, ever receive any cool stickers from any of us. ;) I’ve heard certain parts of Canada have some BBQ game too! Calgary maybe? Wishing you the sweetest, spiciest slabs of marbled, majestic beef, fabulous friend!
u/likablelobster Friend, there could be no more likable lobster than you. You became more likable by the minute after your adorable illustrated croissant & coffee postcard arrived! Did you use a ***gasp*** TYPEWRITER to type your super likable thoughts on this postcard?!? I’m obsessed with typewriters! I wish I had one from the 1940s! They are so crazy cool & believe me when I tell you that you became even more likable to me by typing crooked! I don’t know if it was intentional or not but THIS is the sweet crazy charm of using a typewriter - having no control over lawless words that don’t align to mad margins! For the first 15 minutes I stared at this card in awe, I didn’t even READ what you typed hahaha! I was entranced by the typing!!!! And then your likability catapulted to the moon when I read what you had actually typed. ;) I loved how you typed so much in such a small amount of space, you likable sweetie!!!! This postcard is now among my absolute favorites - because you typed through tumultuous postcard terrain & included what is the PRETTIEST stamp I have EVER seen (the super colorful illustrated Postcrossing stamp)!!!! Thank you SO much for making me so happy with your beautiful mail!
u/maiiiu Thanks so much for the super cuuuuute handmade “Write” card! Your calligraphy of the word “Write” is just gorgeous! I just love the awesome puffy-ish pastel-colored plant stickers you included - they’re so fun to look at & I can’t wait to use them while sending mail!! I love that you have a mentor, & what a bonus that he makes you laugh! I say, next time, *you* get to decide what y’all have for lunch. Wishing y’all perfect palak paneer lunches that are free from rain & roadside diversions! ;)
u/dekabus Thank you for the pretty floral card with all your sweet sentiments on beauty! I found it delightful that you included the cool sticker that says “Vermehrt Schönes” or “Increase Beauty” in German! I love it!!!! I think the subject of “beauty” is fascinating & want to share with you one of my favorite quotes: “But if a mirror ever makes you sad, you should know that it does not know you.” – Kabir Here’s an interpretation of the meaning from outofstress.com: “The mirror is merely a reflection of your external form and not of your internal form. Hence the mirror does not know you and what it portrays is of little importance.” You are BEAUTIFUL, u/dekabus, for so many reasons. But in this moment, you are most beautiful for spreading so much kindness & cheer to so many across the globe, especially to strangers! Thank you! Wishing you beauty in all its forms, beautiful friend. =)
u/jess_4943 Thanks for the pretty hyacinth postcard decorated with the fun stickers! I really love the lightbulb sticker that has flowers growing within it, like a terrarium! Depictions of mini terrariums housed in unusual objects always delight me!! Wishing you terrariums of joy! =)
u/wabisabi_sf Thanks for the serene RAoC 10th anniversary beach postcard with my name written in your *gorgeous* calligraphy! I appreciate your kind words & wish you beaches of beauty & bacon (if you like bacon ha)!
u/kk6321 Thanks for the cool postcard with all the fun travel stamps! Wishing you a blast in Spain! Re: you wondering if there will be AC…a few years ago I was in Portugal & it was 117 degrees. No AC. I prayed for death & canceled my plans to go to Spain because apparently it was hotter there. :( Wishing you buckets of ice & balmy breezes!!!!
u/omggallout x 2 Thanks for the adorable Arriety postcard - what a fun illustration! Haha, how cool that we unwittingly sent each other space postcards!!! Thank you for the gorgeous depiction of Orion Nebula with the fun planet stickers! Wishing you planets of peace & prosperity!
u/lehmongeloh Thank you for the cuuuuute kitty floral postcard! You are a magnet to cute, my friend! Please DM me with your address & likes if I may send you a card. =) Wishing you all things that are crazy cute!
u/smellyann64 Thanks for the cool vintage Vienna House of Parliament card! I don’t know what your job title is, but you staring down barracudas & hangin’ with octopi wins the RAoC coolest career contest! Wishing you safety & smiles in the sea!! =)
u/mypetitmal x 2 Thank you for the SUPER FUN, beautifully-illustrated Power Woman thank-you postcard! I love it! The artwork is so eye-catching & I love the comic-book panel style! It was my pleasure to send you the kitty card. My thoughts are with you & I hope that you’re feeling better. WHOA you’ve been carding since 2007 - whoa!!!! So awesome! Have you ever counted the number of cards you’ve received? To answer your question…I’ve been a crafter since about 2016 when I started frequenting craft classes at a bunch of different libraries. But I only got into carding when I met the beautiful u/Bridge-etti at a Victorian scrapbooking class & she casually mentioned RAoC to me! Imagine my delight at “running” into her again on accident/BY SURPRISE on this sub when she sent me a V-Day card & I sent her a birthday card!!! I’d been waiting to see how long it would take for me to cross paths with her since I never got her info and it only took about 6 weeks!!! Amazingly fun!! So I have her to thank for my new obsession - RAoC, & for the sad/fun reality that my car now looks like Hobby Lobby had a baby in it. ;) Thanks also for the super cuuuute friendship currency postcard! What cute doodles. Also love the adorable sticker you added! I hear you on the time change - same. Wish they would abolish it so we can prevent traffic accidents & other nonsense! Hope you recover soon & that your trip to Chi-town was a blast! Eat anything tasty there? =) Thanks for thinking of me & looking forward to learning more about you. Wishing you endless smiles & sunshine through RAoC & beyond, sweetheart!
u/thunderlightboomzap Thank you for the pretty illustrated sky card! You shared such wonderful affirmations - thanks for taking the time to share them with me! And so many! I especially love how you shared affirmations focusing on self-worth: “My worth cannot be measured by my paycheck, my job title, or a list of professional or academic achievements” & “There is nothing I need to accomplish to be worthy. I am already worthy.” Right on! These are amazing reminders. Thanks also for the “mental health matters” & self-compassion stickers! You’re such a loving, encouraging soul! Here are some affirmations for you on one of my fave subjects, creativity:
“I am creating in every moment, awake and asleep.”
“I am free to take my imagination anywhere it wants to go.”
This one is a bit wordy, but I like the spirit:
“I effortlessly connect with the universe's boundless inventiveness.”
Thanks again for being so thoughtful & encouraging! Wishing you the same peace, joy, & smiles you gifted me!
u/drguinea Thanks for the beautiful pastel flower postcard! Looking at all the pretty colors brightens my spirits. YESSSSS I’m all about David on Schitt’s Creek! I recall Googling the heck out of him when I first watched the show - it’s so easy to fall in love with him. But sad for me, he’s too hot & gay so what’s the point of living anymore?!? ;) And his real-life/tv DAD Eugene Levy - okay should I be embarrassed to admit that I fell in love with him years ago when I heard him speak live at a banquet in Austin LOL? He is HILARIOUS!!!!
u/LaCuntessa Thanks for the wacky fun Joan Miro postcard - love this art, & especially the smiling sketches!
u/hato_mailing x 2 Thanks for the GORGEOUS wax seals you sent along with the sweet nature postcards. :) The seals are simply stunning & a total wonder to look at, wow! The turquoise & silver seals are especially fun & fanciful! Thanks for letting me be a part of your fun mail wax seal test initiative - super cool. :) Wishing you the hottest of wonderful wax that never burns you! But not ear wax - OMG have you ever gone temporarily deaf because of excessive ear wax? It’s kinda cool & convenient when your mom yells for no reason but kinda torturous otherwise. Kinda like how I’m torturing you by mentioning ear wax for no reason. Sorry I haven’t slept much. Wishing you endless joy in your snazzy snail mail experiments!
u/libertyprogrammer Thanks for the gorgeous Women in Art Ray Eames postcard! I can’t wait to study her films. And as a newbie, I went batcrap bananas over all the flippin’ FUNNNNN & super unique postage stamps you included!! They are EXTRAORDINARY, & so are you for brightening my day with all this beautiful eye candy. Wishing you limitless liberty (LOVE the username)! =)
u/travel4me Thank you for this ****super gorgeous**** Loupaper postcard of the charming charcuterie snacks! You totally nailed the “brightly colored illustration” prompt - I loooove this card so much! Wishing you the crunchiest carrots, sweetest strawberries, creamiest cheeses, & bluest blueberries at your next social soiree! =)
u/missnettiemoore Thanks for the neato retro Absinthe ad postcard! Love vintage ads. I’ve never tried absinthe either. But I’m all about the art! Wishing you days full of intoxicating laughter & love! =)
u/bluedecemberart Thanks for the elegant Alphonse Mucha postcard! Love your thoughts on watercolor vs. lithographs. Holy moly I don’t know anything about art but I can’t believe it’s watercolor either! Astounding. Thanks for sharing your art expertise with me, I love to learn! Wishing you endless joy as you create your art. =)
u/photographyislove Thanks for the exquisite wildflower specimens postcard! I love illustrated cards like this one. =) I was alarmed to hear about your winter storm traffic story but relieved you’re around to talk about it! Wishing you safety & the best of hilarious podcasts while you drive!
u/mostlygoodthings Thanks for the sweet wishes from Spain - adorably written on the Norway postcard hahaha! I’m feeling envious about the gorgeous ambient sunlight scenes you described. =) Wishing you soft, serene sunlight (not like the sunburns we get in Texas ;( ) & smiles!
u/jamiekj Thanks for the sweet surprise wishes from Savannah! How adorable are you to think of me while on your work trip?!? I appreciate your thoughtfulness so much & hope that you had some fun while on your work trip (or at least tried some tasty treats). =) Wishing you lots of exciting excursions & zero work on your “work” trips haha!
u/lspjackie How cuuuuute is this vintage St. Patrick’s day illustrated postcard?!?!? It is sooooo adorable, & you are too for blessing a stranger with it! I’m insane for vintage illustrated ads & this one is just frame-worthy! Thank you. Hope you had a 17th full of luck & laughter! =)
u/tashmash Loved receiving a postcard from your fave ice cream joint! Thank you. What cuuuute diamond washi you used to decorate the postcard. I feel like American ice cream is devoid of flavofat because they jack it up with sugar. I wonder if your ice cream place uses more fabulous fat than stupid sugar in the ice cream. Your postcard makes me wanna pack up & move to NZ just to test out the goodies for myself. ;) Wishing you boundless buckets of chocolate cherry & cookies & cream ice cream without ice cream headaches!!!
u/Proud_Ad_759 x 2 This Winnie-the-Pooh card is crazy adorable but ALMOST as adorable as you are!!!!! I just LOVE your enthusiasm for snail mail & was so charmed by your cuuuute inquiry if I had received your postcard like a day hahaha after you mailed it from 87 states away! Seriously, your positive energy is so infectious & I’m so happy we met! I was also so happy to hear about your 6th sense…okay the same uber weird stuff happens to me. And it IS a “big thing” my friend! Now how can we channel that into winning the lottery LOL? Just kidding. Sort of - I mean, I’ll take the lottery but to be honest, even if I won it, I would NEVER EVER stop exchanging cards with fabulous fun friends like you! I think I’d just use the $$ to juice up the process. Like I’d hire a full-time assistant to take care of all the RAoC tasks while I just read & appreciate the cards. ;) Thanks also for the funny Peter Pan postcard of the little weirdo exposing his beautiful belly! Just loved your funny, creative answer to my macarena dance prompt !!! If you’re okay with me posting your awesome answer, I’ll do that later when I post a special thanks including all the different answers to the same prompt. =)
u/BetterOwl3221 Hello-Hello I’m so happy-happy to receive this STUNNING Halo-Halo recipe postcard!!!!! THANK YOU! =) I'm including a close-up pic of it in case anyone reading my long-winded nonsense wants to check out the recipe. =) I’m bananas for illustrated cards & this one needs to be framed for my future dream house! All of the pastel colors on this gorgeous card instantly brighten me up & I’m even excited to live today if that makes sense hahaha! It’s kinda cool how one beautiful card from a beautiful stranger can instantly be a beautiful balm for one’s mood. I also loved your description of the dreamy dessert. It sounds so perfect & simply scrumptious! The postmark is from last month - it took ages to get here. And funny, this is the *one* card I kept thinking about for weeks out of all the ones I’ve ever requested because it just looked like the happiest card ever on your post & I was hoping it wasn’t lost. So the day I got it in the mail, I started jumping up & down like a lunatic outside near the mailbox & was so giddy that a kid passing by, ALARMED, asked me if I needed help. I was like, really, you kind moron? I’m smiling & laughing like a nutcake while holding this beautiful mail & your instinct is to call the cops on me hahaha?!? I wanted to yell at the stupid sweetie to check out RAoC so he could experience the kind of joy you made me feel. =)
u/Dolliesqueak Thanks for the super cool Night Sky postcard with the awesome Carl Sagan quote!!! I agree that we are made of star stuff =) Wishing you shooting stars & sweet sunshine!
u/doggotoast x 2 Thanks for the gorgeous SG postcard! So cute! I’m digging your affinity for oatmilk. Yummmm - my fave oatmilk is Planet Oat, Extra Creamy - it’s insanely delicious. :) Thanks also for the bright yellow furniture postcard that woke me up! ;) I LOVE how you’d be workin’ the Macarena even though you “hate dancing” hahaha! Wishing you non-awkward dance experiences & the most aromatic cups of coffee, friend!
u/RideThatBridge Thanks for the super pretty illustrated floral card! I just love the Indian proverb you kindly shared: “All of the flowers of tomorrow are in the seeds of today.” This is insanely profound & inspires me to procrastinate a little less with all my work. ;) Here are some of my fave Indian proverbs:
“Don’t poison someone whom you can kill with sweets.”
“They who dream for too long will become like their shadow.”WHATTT!?!? Aren’t these deep?!? Thanks for the lovely inspiration! Here’s hoping your seeds of today blossom into fabulous flowers tomorrow! =)
u/jubilan Thanks for the cool illustrated Hawaiian cocktail postcard with your self-love encouragement! So sweet. Your positive vibes are so beautiful. Wishing you lots of contemplative, wonderful walks & sunny smiles!
u/drivingogre Thanks for the adorable bear postcard FANTASTICALLY FULL (yesssss for zero white space!!!) with the most fun facts!!! “Art used to be an olympic event!” Whaaat?!?!? That sounds amazing! Here’s a cool fact for you: kitty pee-pee glows in the dark! Wishing your lovely brain hoards all the most amazing fun facts forevermore so you can dazzle people dizzy at parties! P.S. Charming u/ellezavech , also a fact fiend like us, taught me a tres cool fact about one of my most fave words, “dazzle”. But you’ll have to work for it by checking out the post ;) https://www.reddit.com/RandomActsofCards/comments/11h673n/thank_you_when_does_bread_rise_when_you_yeast/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
u/sebisrude Not again with this rude nonsense, sugar! I’m dying to hear about this fun/mean username! I’m happy *as hell* you saved me from a critical Pipsticks expenditure emergency (stupid student-loan-debt-be-damned) by sending me this illustrated pen & pencil postcard!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU! I’m batcrap bananas over it & can’t tell you how badly the nerd in me ached for this card when I missed out on an offer for it ages ago! I had never even heard of Pipsticks before I saw this postcard. And now I hope a rich, evil relative dies soon (kidding) & bequeaths me his/her glorious estate which I will then fill with Pipsticks utopia & host a Pipsticks party to which you will be the guest of honor! Wishing you the peppiest of perfect stickers!
u/shipping_addict x 2 Thanks for the super cool NY postcard in the shape of a stamp!!! What a sweetheart you are, sending me the roasted veggies recipe unprompted. :) Are you sure you’re not a southerner, Darlin’, with all that homemade cookin’ & crazy cool cardin’? Thanks also for the *adorable* Over the Garden Wall tarot card!!! What is it about mini cards that drives me merrily mad?!!? I haven’t dived into tarot readings yet but am intrigued by what you wrote: “success, achievement, failure”. All I know is, if I’m successful & achieve, I’m thanking myself. But if I fail, I’m blaming *you*, Sugar, & will send you the ugliest postcards of all time. I’m collecting a batcrapload of ‘em specifically for this purpose. But you’re so cute, sweet, & strangely southern in your demeanor that your polite self would likely write the most heartfelt, sweet lies about how you love it all. ;) And OMG you sent me a Lindsay Lohan PARENT TRAP sticker?!?!? So hilarious & awesome! Hoarding it for life!!!! Also love the cuuuute lemon stamp sticker & the little pastel illustrated cutie!!! Ooooohh I just saw the cool purple Broadway stamp on the envelope - sweeeet!!!! =)
u/SherlockLady x 5 Thanks for the cuuuuuuuutest homemade Easter bunny card I’ve ever seen!!! The smiling sweetie & the bright orange carrot right next to it on the spring-y lime green paper just put me in the best mood! Also love the “You only live once” card, the super motivating “Be brave be bold be you” superhero card, the super thoughtful self-care card, & the Eiffel tower scrapbook paper card! LOVE the cute washi tape samples you sent! The eye-themed one is so adorable & my fave. Thanks also for the stickers & the tea - can’t wait to try it! You constantly spoil me with so much amazing love & I’m so grateful for your nonstop magical mail surprises!!!
u/stephkempf x 8 Sweetheart, I wish I could say I keep you in the postcard sending “business” LOL!!!!! THANK YOU. =) I can only hope that they appreciate you at work & give you boundless bonuses so you can buy as many stamps as your insane, adorable, gorgeous, generous, syrupy sweet heart desires. :) Truly, you AMAZE me with how much you indulge us with your fun, frightening, & frighteningly fun offers hahaha! I honestly had no idea what in the hot holy hell I signed up for when I filled out your birthday bonanza form. All I know is, I keep wondering if it’s my birthday when I’m surprised with a random birthday postcard hahaha! That’s super crazy fun! I’m so jazzed that you’re upcycling all your cards & blessing us with them. LOVE all the b-day postcards - especially the Snoopy one. I don’t understand how that kid never ages. Thanks also for the soothing floral non-bday postcard. I’ll admit I was jarred that it’s not a b-day card hahaha! I so appreciate all the fun, good vibes, & insane beauty you send my way!

Everything in my inventory is up for trade. The most valuable items are listed here, the rest you can find in My Inventory

Feel free to Add Me or even better send a Trade Offer. Open for any suggestions: upgrades, downgrades / knives, gloves, skins / stickers, patterns, floats.

All Buyouts are listed in cash value.

KNIVES

★ Butterfly Knife Freehand FN #1, B/O: $1867

★ Butterfly Knife Bright Water MW, B/O: $1098

★ Butterfly Knife Blue Steel BS, B/O: $907

★ Butterfly Knife Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $789

★ Butterfly Knife Stained FT, B/O: $695

⎯

★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth MW #1, B/O: $888

★ Bayonet Gamma Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $727

★ Bayonet Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $608

★ Bayonet Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $521

★ Bayonet Rust Coat BS, B/O: $253

★ Bayonet Night FT, B/O: $251

★ StatTrak™ Bayonet Lore MW, B/O: $751

⎯

★ Karambit Gamma Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $1343

★ Karambit Damascus Steel FT, B/O: $774

★ Karambit Rust Coat BS, B/O: $537

★ Karambit Boreal Forest FT, B/O: $488

⎯

★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1523

★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1523

★ M9 Bayonet Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $1008

★ M9 Bayonet Blue Steel FT, B/O: $534

★ M9 Bayonet Rust Coat BS, B/O: $449

⎯

★ Flip Knife Fade FN, B/O: $703

★ Flip Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) MW, B/O: $509

★ Flip Knife Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $406

★ Flip Knife Freehand FT, B/O: $228

★ StatTrak™ Flip Knife Bright Water FN, B/O: $332

⎯

★ Falchion Knife Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $292

★ Falchion Knife Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $264

★ Falchion Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $258

★ Falchion Knife Bright Water MW, B/O: $133

⎯

★ Stiletto Knife Fade FN, B/O: $822

★ Stiletto Knife Slaughter FN, B/O: $569

★ Stiletto Knife Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $530

★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web FT, B/O: $396

★ StatTrak™ Stiletto Knife Scorched FT, B/O: $172

⎯

★ Gut Knife Doppler (Sapphire) MW #1, B/O: $830

★ Gut Knife Fade FN, B/O: $204

★ Gut Knife Tiger Tooth FN, B/O: $138

★ Gut Knife Bright Water MW, B/O: $104

★ Gut Knife Freehand FT, B/O: $92

★ Gut Knife Urban Masked FT, B/O: $82

★ StatTrak™ Gut Knife Rust Coat BS, B/O: $93

⎯

★ Shadow Daggers Fade FN, B/O: $258

★ Shadow Daggers Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $165

★ Shadow Daggers Blue Steel FT, B/O: $82

★ Shadow Daggers Bright Water FT, B/O: $82

★ Shadow Daggers Blue Steel WW, B/O: $80

★ Shadow Daggers Rust Coat BS, B/O: $74

★ StatTrak™ Shadow Daggers Marble Fade FN, B/O: $186

⎯

★ Classic Knife Slaughter MW, B/O: $311

★ StatTrak™ Classic Knife Stained BS, B/O: $163

⎯

★ Talon Knife Slaughter MW, B/O: $605

★ Talon Knife Scorched MW, B/O: $290

⎯

★ Ursus Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $405

★ Ursus Knife Night Stripe MW, B/O: $162

⎯

★ Paracord Knife Stained WW, B/O: $125

★ Paracord Knife Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $97

★ Paracord Knife Safari Mesh FT, B/O: $96

⎯

★ Navaja Knife Safari Mesh FT, B/O: $71

★ Navaja Knife Scorched WW, B/O: $71

⎯

★ Nomad Knife Fade FN, B/O: $1015

★ Skeleton Knife, B/O: $909

★ Bowie Knife Boreal Forest MW, B/O: $106

★ Survival Knife Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $97

GLOVES

★ Driver Gloves Crimson Weave FT, B/O: $335

★ Driver Gloves King Snake BS, B/O: $270

★ Driver Gloves Lunar Weave WW, B/O: $113

★ Driver Gloves Overtake WW, B/O: $88

★ Driver Gloves Overtake BS, B/O: $67

⎯

★ Moto Gloves Transport MW, B/O: $171

★ Moto Gloves Polygon BS, B/O: $137

★ Moto Gloves Transport WW, B/O: $71

★ Moto Gloves 3rd Commando Company BS, B/O: $62

⎯

★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Kimono WW, B/O: $1027

★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike FT, B/O: $654

★ Specialist Gloves Mogul FT, B/O: $295

★ Specialist Gloves Lt. Commander FT, B/O: $277

★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web FT, B/O: $275

⎯

★ Sport Gloves Slingshot FT, B/O: $796

★ Sport Gloves Amphibious BS #2, B/O: $699

★ Sport Gloves Omega FT, B/O: $656

⎯

★ Broken Fang Gloves Unhinged BS, B/O: $60

WEAPONS

AK-47 Case Hardened BS, B/O: $130

AK-47 Bloodsport MW, B/O: $79

AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76

AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76

AK-47 Bloodsport FT, B/O: $70

AK-47 Neon Rider MW, B/O: $60

⎯

AWP Fade FN, B/O: $864

AWP BOOM MW, B/O: $84

AWP Containment Breach FT, B/O: $69

AWP Containment Breach FT, B/O: $69

AWP Wildfire FT, B/O: $59

AWP Chromatic Aberration FN, B/O: $59

StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $65

StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $65

⎯

Desert Eagle Blaze FN, B/O: $565

Desert Eagle Blaze FN, B/O: $565

Desert Eagle Printstream FN, B/O: $155

Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $58

⎯

M4A1-S Icarus Fell FN, B/O: $414

M4A1-S Printstream MW, B/O: $204

M4A1-S Printstream MW, B/O: $204

⎯

M4A4 Poseidon FN, B/O: $1402

M4A4 The Emperor FN, B/O: $152

M4A4 Asiimov WW, B/O: $97

⎯

USP-S Kill Confirmed MW, B/O: $65

USP-S Printstream FT, B/O: $69

StatTrak™ USP-S Kill Confirmed FT, B/O: $123

StatTrak™ USP-S Neo-Noir FN, B/O: $106

⎯

AUG Flame Jörmungandr FN, B/O: $218

P2000 Ocean Foam FN, B/O: $139

Souvenir SSG 08 Death Strike MW, B/O: $81

CZ75-Auto Emerald Quartz MW, B/O: $61

Trade Offer Link - Steam Profile Link - My Inventory

Knives - Bowie Knife, Butterfly Knife, Falchion Knife, Flip Knife, Gut Knife, Huntsman Knife, M9 Bayonet, Bayonet, Karambit, Shadow Daggers, Stiletto Knife, Ursus Knife, Navaja Knife, Talon Knife, Classic Knife, Paracord Knife, Survival Knife, Nomad Knife, Skeleton Knife, Patterns - Gamma Doppler, Doppler (Phase 1, Phase 2, Phase 3, Phase 4, Black Pearl, Sapphire, Ruby, Emerald), Crimson Web, Lore, Fade, Ultraviolet, Night, Marble Fade (Fire & Ice, Fake FI), Case Hardened (Blue Gem), Autotronic, Slaughter, Black Laminate, Tiger Tooth, Boreal Forest, Scorched, Blue Steel, Vanilla, Damascus Steel, Forest DDPAT, Urban Masked, Freehand, Stained, Bright Water, Safari Mesh, Rust Coat, Gloves - Bloodhound Gloves (Charred, Snakebite, Guerrilla, Bronzed), Driver Gloves (Snow Leopard, King Snake, Crimson Weave, Imperial Plaid, Black Tie, Lunar Weave, Diamondback, Rezan the Red, Overtake, Queen Jaguar, Convoy, Racing Green), Hand Wraps (Cobalt Skulls, CAUTION!, Overprint, Slaughter, Leather, Giraffe, Badlands, Spruce DDPAT, Arboreal, Constrictor, Desert Shamagh, Duct Tape), Moto Gloves (Spearmint, POW!, Cool Mint, Smoke Out, Finish Line, Polygon, Blood Pressure, Turtle, Boom!, Eclipse, 3rd Commando Company, Transport), Specialist Gloves (Crimson Kimono, Tiger Strike, Emerald Web, Field Agent, Marble Fade, Fade, Foundation, Lt. Commander, Crimson Web, Mogul, Forest DDPAT, Buckshot), Sport Gloves (Pandora's Box, Superconductor, Hedge Maze, Vice, Amphibious, Slingshot, Omega, Arid, Big Game, Nocts, Scarlet Shamagh, Bronze Morph), Hydra Gloves (Case Hardened, Emerald, Rattler, Mangrove), Broken Fang Gloves (Jade, Yellow-banded, Unhinged, Needle Point), Pistols - P2000 (Wicked Sick, Ocean Foam, Fire Element, Amber Fade, Corticera, Chainmail, Imperial Dragon, Obsidian, Scorpion, Handgun, Acid Etched), USP-S (Printstream, Kill Confirmed, Whiteout, Road Rash, Owergrowth, The Traitor, Neo-Noir, Dark Water, Orion, Blueprint, Stainless, Caiman, Serum, Monster Mashup, Royal Blue, Ancient Visions, Cortex, Orange Anolis, Ticket To Hell, Black Lotus, Cyrex, Check Engine, Guardian, Purple DDPAT, Torque, Blood Tiger, Flashback, Business Class, Pathfinder, Para Green), Lead Conduit, Glock-18 (Umbral Rabbit, Fade, Candy Apple, Bullet Queen, Synth Leaf, Neo-Noir, Nuclear Garden, Dragon Tatto, Reactor, Pink DDPAT, Twilight Galaxy, Sand Dune, Groundwater, Blue Fissure, Snack Attack, Water Elemental, Brass, Wasteland Rebel, Vogue, Franklin, Royal Legion, Gamma Doppler, Weasel, Steel Disruption, Ironwork, Grinder, High Beam, Moonrise, Oxide Blaze, Bunsen Burner, Clear Polymer, Bunsen Burner, Night), P250 (Re.built, Nuclear Threat, Modern Hunter, Splash, Whiteout, Vino Primo, Mehndi, Asiimov, Visions, Undertow, Cartel, See Ya Later, Gunsmoke, Splash, Digital Architect, Muertos, Red Rock, Bengal Tiger, Crimson Kimono, Wingshot, Metallic DDPAT, Hive, Dark Filigree, Mint Kimono), Five-Seven (Neon Kimono, Berries And Cherries, Fall Hazard, Crimson Blossom, Hyper Beast, Nitro, Fairy Tale, Case Hardened, Copper Galaxy, Angry Mob, Monkey Business, Fowl Play, Anodized Gunmetal, Hot Shot, Retrobution, Boost Protocol), CZ75-Auto (Chalice, Crimson Web, Emerald Quartz, The Fuschia is Now, Nitro, Xiangliu, Yellow Jacket, Victoria, Poison Dart, Syndicate, Eco, Hexane, Pole, Tigris), Tec-9 (Rebel, Terrace, Nuclear Threat, Hades, Rust Leaf, Decimator, Blast From, Orange Murano, Toxic, Fuel Injector, Remote Control, Bamboo Forest, Isaac, Avalanche, Brother, Re-Entry, Blue Titanium, Bamboozle), R8 Revolver (Banana Cannon, Fade, Blaze, Crimson Web, Liama Cannon, Crazy 8, Reboot, Canal Spray, Night, Amber Fade), Desert Eagle (Blaze, Hand Cannon, Fennec Fox, Sunset Storm, Emerald Jörmungandr, Pilot, Hypnotic, Golden Koi, Printstream, Cobalt Disruption, Code Red, Ocean Drive, Midnight Storm, Kumicho Dragon, Crimson Web, Heirloom, Night Heist, Mecha Industries, Night, Conspiracy, Trigger Discipline, Naga, Directive, Light Rail), Dual Berettas (Flora Carnivora, Duelist, Cobra Strike, Black Limba, Emerald, Hemoglobin, Twin Turbo, Marina, Melondrama, Pyre, Retribution, Briar, Dezastre, Royal Consorts, Urban Shock, Dualing Dragons, Panther, Balance), Rifles - Galil (Aqua Terrace, Winter Forest, Chatterbox, Sugar Rush, Pheonix Blacklight, CAUTION!, Orange DDPAT, Cerberus, Dusk Ruins, Eco, Chromatic Aberration, Stone Cold, Tuxedo, Sandstorm, Shattered, Urban Rubble, Rocket Pop, Kami, Crimson Tsunami, Connexion), SCAR-20 (Fragments, Brass, Cyrex, Palm, Splash Jam, Cardiac, Emerald, Crimson Web, Magna Carta, Stone Mosaico, Bloodsport, Enforcer), AWP (Duality, Gungnir, Dragon Lore, Prince, Medusa, Desert Hydra, Fade, Lightning Strike, Oni Taiji, Silk Tiger, Graphite, Chromatic Aberration, Asiimov, Snake Camo, Boom, Containment Breach, Wildfire, Redline, Electric Hive, Hyper Beast, Neo-Noir, Man-o'-war, Pink DDPAT, Corticera, Sun in Leo, Elite Build, Fever Dream, Atheris, Mortis, PAW, Exoskeleton, Worm God, POP AWP, Phobos, Acheron, Pit Viper, Capillary, Safari Mesh), AK-47 (Head Shot, Wild Lotus, Gold Arabesque, X-Ray, Fire Serpent, Hydroponic, Panthera Onca, Case Hardened, Vulcan, Jet Set, Fuel Injector, Bloodsport, Nightwish, First Class, Neon Rider, Asiimov, Red Laminate, Aquamarine Revenge, The Empress, Wasteland Rebel, Jaguar, Black Laminate, Leet Museo, Neon Revolution, Redline, Frontside Misty, Predator, Legion of Anubis, Point Disarray, Orbit Mk01, Blue Laminate, Green Laminate, Emerald Pinstripe, Cartel, Phantom Disruptor, Jungle Spray, Safety Net, Rat Rod, Baroque Purple, Slate, Elite Build, Uncharted, Safari Mesh), FAMAS (Sundown, Prime Conspiracy, Afterimage, Commemoration, Dark Water, Spitfire, Pulse, Eye of Athena, Meltdown, Rapid Eye Move, Roll Cage, Styx, Mecha Industrie, Djinn, ZX Spectron, Valence, Neural Net, Night Borre, Hexne), M4A4 (Temukau, Howl, Poseidon, Asiimov, Daybreak, Hellfire, Zirka, Red DDPAT, Radiation Hazard, Modern Hunter, The Emperor, The Coalition, Bullet Rain, Cyber Security, X-Ray, Dark Blossom, Buzz Kill, In Living Color, Neo-Noir, Desolate Space, 龍王 (Dragon King), Royal Paladin, The Battlestar, Global Offensive, Tooth Fairy, Desert-Strike, Griffin, Evil Daimyo, Spider Lily, Converter), M4A1-S (Emphorosaur-S, Welcome to the Jungle, Imminent Danger, Knight, Hot Rod, Icarus Fell, Blue Phosphor, Printstream, Master Piece, Dark Water, Golden Coil, Bright Water, Player Two, Atomic Alloy, Guardian, Chantico's Fire, Hyper Beast, Mecha Industries, Cyrex, Control Panel, Moss Quartz, Nightmare, Decimator, Leaded Glass, Basilisk, Blood Tiger, Briefing, Night Terror, Nitro, VariCamo, Flashback), SG 553 (Cyberforce, Hazard Pay, Bulldozer, Integrale, Dragon Tech, Ultraviolet, Colony IV, Hypnotic, Cyrex, Candy Apple, Barricade, Pulse), SSG 08 (Death Strike, Sea Calico, Blood in the Water, Orange Filigree, Dragonfire, Big Iron, Bloodshot, Detour, Turbo Peek, Red Stone), AUG (Akihabara Accept, Flame Jörmungandr, Hot Rod, Midnight Lily, Sand Storm, Carved Jade, Wings, Anodized Navy, Death by Puppy, Torque, Bengal Tiger, Chameleon, Fleet Flock, Random Access, Momentum, Syd Mead, Stymphalian, Arctic Wolf, Aristocrat, Navy Murano), G3SG1 (Chronos, Violet Murano, Flux, Demeter, Orange Kimono, The Executioner, Green Apple, Arctic Polar Camo, Contractor), SMGs - P90 (Neoqueen, Astral Jörmungandr, Run and Hide, Emerald Dragon, Cold Blooded, Death by Kitty, Baroque Red, Vent Rush, Blind Spot, Asiimov, Trigon, Sunset Lily, Death Grip, Leather, Nostalgia, Fallout Warning, Tiger Pit, Schermatic, Virus, Shapewood, Glacier Mesh, Shallow Grave, Chopper, Desert Warfare), MAC-10 (Sakkaku, Hot Snakes, Copper Borre, Red Filigree, Gold Brick, Graven, Case Hardened, Stalker, Amber Fade, Neon Rider, Tatter, Curse, Propaganda, Nuclear Garden, Disco Tech, Toybox, Heat, Indigo), UMP-45 (Wild Child, Fade, Blaze, Day Lily, Minotaur's Labyrinth, Crime Scene, Caramel, Bone Pile, Momentum, Primal Saber), MP7 (Teal Blossom, Fade, Nemesis, Whiteout, Asterion, Bloosport, Abyssal Apparition, Full Stop, Special Delivery, Neon Ply, Asterion, Ocean Foam, Powercore, Scorched, Impire), PP-Bizon (Modern Hunter, Rust Coat, Forest Leaves, Antique, High Roller, Blue Streak, Seabird, Judgement of Anubis, Bamboo Print, Embargo, Chemical Green, Coblat Halftone, Fuel Rod, Photic Zone, Irradiated Alert, Carbon Fiber), MP9 (Featherweight, Wild Lily, Pandora's Box, Stained Glass, Bulldozer, Dark Age, Hot Rod, Hypnotic, Hydra, Rose Iron, Music Box, Setting Sun, Food Chain, Airlock, Mount Fuji, Starlight Protector, Ruby Poison Dart, Deadly Poison), MP5-SD (Liquidation, Oxide Oasis, Phosphor, Nitro, Agent, Autumn Twilly), Shotguns, Machineguns - Sawed-Off (Kiss♥Love, First Class, Orange DDPAT, Rust Coat, The Kraken, Devourer, Mosaico, Wasteland Princess, Bamboo Shadow, Copper, Serenity, Limelight, Apocalypto), XM1014 (Frost Borre, Ancient Lore, Red Leather, Elegant Vines, Banana Leaf, Jungle, Urban Perforated, Grassland, Blaze Orange, Heaven Guard, VariCamo Blue, Entombed, XOXO, Seasons, Tranquility, Bone Machine, Incinegator, Teclu Burner, Black Tie, Zombie Offensive, Watchdog), Nova (Baroque Orange, Hyper Beast, Green Apple, Antique, Modern Hunter, Walnut, Forest Leaves, Graphite, Blaze Orange, Rising Skull, Tempest, Bloomstick, Interlock, Quick Sand, Moon in Libra, Clean Polymer, Red Quartz, Toy Soldier), MAG-7 (Insomnia, Cinqueda, Counter Terrace, Prism Terrace, Memento, Chainmail, Hazard, Justice, Bulldozer, Silver, Core Breach, Firestarter, Praetorian, Heat, Hard Water, Monster Call, BI83 Spectrum, SWAG-7), M249 (Humidor, Shipping Forecast, Blizzard Marbleized, Downtown, Jungle DDPAT, Nebula Crusader, Impact Drill, Emerald Poison Dart), Negev (Mjölnir, Anodized Navy, Palm, Power Loader, Bratatat, CaliCamo, Phoenix Stencil, Infrastructure, Boroque Sand), Wear - Factory New (FN), Minimal Wear (MW), Field-Tested (FT), Well-Worn (WW), Battle-Scarred (BS), Stickers Holo/Foil/Gold - Katowice 2014, Krakow 2017, Howling Dawn, Katowice 2015, Crown, London 2018, Cologne 2014, Boston 2018, Atlanta 2017, Cluj-Napoca 2015, DreamHack 2014, King on the Field, Harp of War, Winged Difuser, Cologne 2016, Cologne 2015, MLG Columbus 2016, Katowice 2019, Berlin 2019, RMR 2020, Stockholm 2021, Antwerp 2022, Swag Foil, Flammable foil, Others - Souvenirs, Agents, Pins, Passes, Gifts, Music Kits, Cases, Keys, Capsules, Packages, Patches

Some items on the list may no longer be available or are still locked, visit My Inventory for more details.

Send a Trade Offer for fastest response. I consider all offers.

Add me for discuss if there is a serious offer that needs to be discussed.

We had been knee deep in pig shit for at least three hours when I finally asked Gramps for a story. The old man had been mostly silent that day, save for his grunts of effort while refilling the trough or corralling the hogs in and out of the different pens.
I couldn’t say that I blamed him - helping Uncle Russ on his hog farm was one of the more physically intensive jobs the two of us ever undertook, and we’d just gotten into the worst part. Shoveling shit. Wasn’t much to say anyways and the longer you kept your mouth open, the more you’d start to taste it.
I was shocked Gramps could still put in such a productive day of work in his increasing age - but the truth was, at nearly 70, the old man heaped pounds of manure into the compost pile even faster than I did at 17. Gramps was a large and powerful man, Father Time be damned.
Gramps liked the work though. Good honest labor was all the man had ever known, and he was gonna help his son in law on that farm whether Russ wanted him to lift a finger or not. That’s what men did.
We’d been working ourselves to the bone since sun-up - I never passed on a chance to spend some time with Gramps, and I knew that Uncle Russ would slip me a few bucks for the day, so I’d enthusiastically hopped in the old man’s pickup that morning at 5:00 sharp.
But it had been hours and I was tired and the air stunk. I hoped it was time for a little break.
“Gramps, can we take a load off? Just for a few.”
The old man sighed. He removed his weathered and stained trucker cap - the same one he’d worn my entire life - and used his forearm to wipe the sweat from his liver spotted head.
He plunged his shovel into the stinking and wet pile of manure we were working from as he spoke. “Ah hell, I guess we could use a break.” Thank god, I remember thinking to myself as I did the same with my own shovel and followed the old man over to the large apple tree that loomed over Uncle Russ’s farm.
We couldn’t head inside with our shit stained clothes and there was no point in changing or washing up. We still had a job to finish after our break. Russ had headed into town to grab some supplies and drop off some hogs to a few buyers, but he’d left us a cooler for the day filled with water and some food.
As we took our seats on the shaded but still warm earth beneath the apple tree, Gramps reached deep into the cooler. From it, he withdrew two bottles of water and two ice cold beers. He winked as he tossed me one of each.
I laughed, and we cracked our beer bottles open then clinked them together before taking a nice deep swig. That ice cold swill just hits the body different on a day like that. Really feels like you earned it. The days stayed pretty warm in Vernon, even in the fall. Especially after some hours of hard work. And these sun soaked days with Gramps were the best of times for me. Whether we were sitting on his porch doing a whole lot of nothing, or up to our elbows in stinking shit. I just loved spending time with the old man.
Of course, the real treat any time Gramps and I got together was the stories.
“Hey Gramps, long as we’re sitting here… got a story?” I grinned as I asked the question, couldn’t help myself.
I’ve mentioned before that Gramps always had a story. My grandfather was renowned throughout the town for his ability to weave a colorful and compelling tale.
Thing was though, no matter how outlandish or silly or sometimes scary they got, Gramps’ stories were always true. Comedy, tragedy. Didn’t matter. That was what made them so damn interesting. Whatever the subject matter, this was a recitation of a true event. I trusted the words that came out of that man’s mouth more than I trusted that the sky is blue and that a human being needs to breathe oxygen to survive.
He laughed - it was a mirthful sound, tinged with juuust a hint of annoyance. It was the way he always laughed when I asked the question. We both knew that he loved spinning his yarns as much as I loved listening to them.
Gramps took another swig of his beer, beads of cold sweat running down the sides of the glass bottle. As usual, he was in no hurry to answer. He set the beer down and cracked his aging knuckles, they popped so loud you’d swear the dusty old bones were snapping in two.
“Ah I s’pose it’s the perfect time for it, better’n sittin’ here with our dicks in our hands.” He leaned towards me, thrusting a knobby finger in my direction. “Just one now fuckface,” Gramps warned me sternly. “We’re not gonna piss our whole day away sharin’ stories under the apple tree. Got a job to do.”
I smiled. I always smiled when Gramps used my insulting but still endearing nickname. The kind of nickname you get living in a family of lively hillbillies who all like to drink and horse around a little too much.
Gramps had agreed to a story, just as I’d known he would. Gramps always had a story. He let the moment hang now. Cradled his beer loosely in his hand. He stared off ahead, into the shimmering summer afternoon.
Gramps’ eyes were locked on the hogs. As they rolled in their dirt and sloppily ate from the trough, milled around in their pigpen. Squealin’ and snortin’ the whole time. I always liked the pigs. Didn’t do much like shoveling mountains of poop but the pigs were alright. They were disgusting sure, but they were intelligent creatures. Cute too.
I didn’t much like the thought of Uncle Russ loading some of those pigs up and selling them to the butcher and market. Packing them into the truck and driving them to their doom. It was the way it always was and the way it always would be, I understood that. Just didn’t much comprehend how you could spend your whole life caring for things just to serve them up to a death sentence.
Gramps cleared his throat, disrupting my train of thought. A serious look crossed his face. He kept his eyes locked intently on the frolicking animals. I could already tell by Gramps expression and demeanor that this story wasn’t going to be a comedy.
“Well,” he finally said. “How ‘bout a pig story?”
I leaned toward Gramps, eyes wide with anticipation.
“You ever hear your uncle talk about a bad sow, fuckface?” I nodded. There were many days on Uncle Russ’ farm that I’d heard whispered talks between adults, talks they thought I couldn’t hear. About things like rifles and needing to take a pig behind the shed.
“Well, all that badness started way back when… had to be about forty years ago now by my estimation. When that damned thing showed up the very first time.”
Delmer Wurlick wasn’t a very nice boy. That’s what the adults in town always said about him. To be honest, that was putting it mildly. He was the kind of nasty little punk who left a bag of flaming dog shit on someone’s front porch and laughed as they stomped it out. The type to key cars just for a laugh, prank call old ladies with sex talk and heavy breathing at 2:00 in the morning after stealing their numbers from the church register.
Those were the things that made Delmer not a very nice boy. But the adults in town, they didn’t all know the extent of Delmer’s misdeeds. He wasn’t just a vandal and a punk. He was a killer. He’d started young - squishing bugs a little too enthusiastically and sticking firecrackers in the mouths of frogs he yanked out of the creek. Eyes lighting up as they exploded into wet and slimy chunks of sizzling gore.
At around age fifteen or so, Delmer upgraded to larger animals. Wrapping stray cats in barbed wire, mixing crushed up glass into hunks of raw meat and feeding it to neighborhood dogs.
There was one summer where livestock at various farms all over town fell prey to a mad shooter - a lone gunman in the dark of night firing one right between the eyes of any cow or sheep or goat he could get his hands on.
All the kids in town knew that that was Delmer Wurlick. He’d bragged about taking the rifle once his old man passed out from the gin, and blowing those defenseless critters’ brains out so fast that them and their farmers didn’t know what hit ‘em.
Delmer talked about how they twitched and sputtered even after the life left them. How red chunky ooze bubbled from their pulped and jellified skulls.
Of course Delmer saw no trouble with the law. There was no hard evidence, just a kid talking. And it helps when your alcoholic mess of a dad was once the town sheriff himself, before the jack and the gin and a few too many glassy eyed and slurred speeches at morning roll call did him in. Friends in high places.
So ol’ Delmer pretty much did what he wanted when he wanted. He had a taste for blood and the imagination to indulge.
Hate to say it, but a lot of the kids hung around him anyway. He had this charisma about him, a strange aura that drew you in. There was somethin’ behind his eyes. You didn’t wanna know what it was but you just couldn’t look away.
Didn’t hurt that he’d take groups of kids for a ride in daddy’s caddy. Cruising the streets of Vernon on the nights he wasn’t busy torturing livestock, getting the other kids involved in his car keying and window soaping and all the debauchery.
Things took a turn in the Autumn of ‘53. Bill Wurlick’s good friend Enis was picked up in St. Claire, cruising the streets for a boy to spend the night with. Enis owned a farm just on the outskirts of Vernon, one he’d inherited from his daddy some years back. A middling and not at all spectacular little patch of dirt. Didn’t grow much there. Enis was no green thumb. He had some livestock - a few cows, half empty chicken coop.
Mostly pigs. Wandering, zombified sows and boars that seemed especially apathetic and lethargic. Brought down by the malaise of the place.
With Enis’ looming legal trouble, he turned to his good friend Bill Wurlick to tend to his farm in the meantime. The only man he thought he could trust. Bill Wurlick, gin drunk and not one to rise from his spot on the mangy living room sofa - ‘cept to buy more gin - turned to his son.
So that’s how Delmer Wurlick became the caretaker
For someone like him, this was an all you can eat buffet. Unlimited access to a cadre of defenseless and sickly animals , on secluded farmland where no one would ask any questions.
He’d wake up at dawn each morning and make the 15 minute drive to the farm in Bill’s caddy, snagging a few of his old man’s beers from the fridge on his way out the door.
Once arriving at Enis’ farm, Delmer would get to drinking and begin his “duties.” He planted seeds - half heartedly, tossing them asunder without really looking. Not taking the time to make sure they were distributed properly on the pathetic and wanting earth. Delmer never could get the old and rusting riding mower that sat still in front of Enis’ run down barn to run properly, and so keeping the grass trimmed was permanently checked off of his list of chores rather quickly.
The animals. Delmer was to feed them, provide water. See that their needs were taken care of. The first day or two, Delmer mostly kept his sadism at bay. Hurled handfuls of dry feed at the chicken’s faces. Splashed water at the cows as he filled their drinking trough, yanking on their tails as he left their corral.
There seemed to be some kind of honest attempt by the boy to truly honor his father’s wishes and help out the man’s good friend.
He got bored fast though. Delmer had some kind of insatiable bloodlust. There was something deep within him that needed to see that pain and that hurt.
Maybe it was that pain and hurt were all Delmer Wurlick’d ever known.
When your mother runs off with a band of coke-addled gypsies before you even turn 3 years old. When your cousin takes you into the bathroom only a year or two later at your grandmother’s funeral. When your father is so down in the drink that he cries tears of pure whiskey during those miserable late nights that he leans on your shoulder and asks you for all the answers
What does somebody like that have to offer the world but pain?
On the third day, he crushed one of the chickens to death with a rock. Then took that same rock inside the coop and lifted it up as he could before letting it fall directly onto a waiting cluster of diminutive baby chicks. Delmer licked his lips as the feathers and chunky gore oozed from beneath the stone.
He withdrew a knife from the kitchen and wandered into the cow pen, casually puffing away on one of Enis’ cigarettes. A small and sickly looking brown calf huddled next to its black and white spotted mother. Delmer slowly ran the blade along its skin as the calf mewled plaintively. Then he turned the knife and started cutting.
He’d hacked the thing to pieces in no time at all, a dark red puddle pooling on the hay beneath them. The mother cow stared at him, expressionless, the entire time.
Delmer wasn’t too concerned about getting rid of the mutilated cow parts. He knew that pigs ate pretty much anything. Taking a sledge hammer from the tool shed, Delmer set about mashing the bits of cow into a more digestible paste. Once he was finished, he scooped the jellified mounds of gristle up with a snow shovel. Deposited heaping helpings into the hogs’ feed trough.
The pigs chowed, snorting and huffing as they hungrily gulped down the chunks of flattened meat. Delmer chuckled as he noticed one exhausted looking sow, pink belly swollen to bursting with a litter of piglets, waddle over to the trough with great effort and try to eat her fill
The threshold was crossed. Delmer’s sickening pastime escalated quickly.
Over the ensuing days, he stabbed and shot and tormented. He’d dunk the chickens in turpentine and take a lighter to their feathers. Drop them into an empty barrel and piss on them to put it out. Twisted a cork screw into the eye of one of the cows, so deep that he couldn’t get a grip to retrieve it. He sliced its neck while it tried to buck him away with its weakened legs.
Delmer’d even invited a few of the local kids over to partake in the booze and the cigs and sometimes yes, even the hurting. Most of them didn’t like it much. Most of them were downright disturbed by it. But the allure of an older boy with ready access to a car and beer and all the tantalizing freedoms of adulthood was hard to pass up. If that freedom meant that the boys and girls had to bash a chicken to death with a fire poker, or slice a pigs snout from its face while it squealed and cried for mercy, many weathered the storm.
The corruption was the part Delmer liked.
Things changed when the sow gave birth. Delmer had watched the fattened pink creature keel over that brisk October day, flatten itself on its side and start breathing frantically. He certainly was excited to see those little piglets.
He hopped on the kitchen phone and called a few of the boys and girls over, telling them he had the beer and the cigs and something they wanted to see.
A small flock of kids had arrived by the time the sow pushed out her first piglet. The soft, squinting thing was covered in a fine layer of fuzz. Its pointed ears pressed backward, a calm expression across its face.
Delmer immediately raised his leg and smashed the piglet in one stomp. He cackled as it exploded into a chunky red mist. The crowd of children looked on, aghast at this display. Cruel and twisted and sick even for Delmer Wurlick.
A boy toward the back vomited, tears streamed down one girl’s face. It suddenly wasn’t so easy to look the other way, or to participate in these atrocities. The adult freedoms, doing what you wanted when you wanted. It was a kind of cage.
The sow seemed to lock its solid black eye on Delmer, and began loudly shrieking as it continued pushing out its litter of newborns. Its body writhed and shook with pain or anxiety or maybe some awareness of what was happening to its kin.
Suddenly, Delmer withdrew a buck knife from his back pocket. He lunged forward and sliced the sow open from neck to ass. The entire contents of its stomach spilled out in a steaming, stinking mess. Purple guts and thick rivers of blood. The rest of the piglets.
Covered in their mother’s gore and introduced to the world via this hellish act.
Delmer’s smile widened as he loomed over the pile of writhing and helpless newborns. His eyes widened as they met one particular pig in the mound of viscera.
Plunging his hands into the mess, Delmer spun around as he withdrew the object of his attention.
Facing the group of neighborhood children, cradled in Delmer’s outstretched hands, was a shaking and blood covered newborn piglet.
It didn’t look like any pig they’d ever seen.
The thing’s eyes bulged out of its head, its snout was basically nonexistent - a receding patch of flesh with two curved holes to breathe. Its mouth hung open wide, wider than a pig’s mouth should. It didn’t look like a pig’s mouth. No, with its broad width and rows of square teeth, it sure as hell looked like a man’s.
On the thing’s head were two pointed, fleshy bulbs. A sobbing boy yelled that they looked like horns.
As the mutated piglet gulped air and clacked its hideous teeth together, the crowd of children went into a frenzy. Many of them sprinted away in fear.
Delmer spun the twisted thing around and stared in its bulbous and swollen eyes. He thought of all the things he’d do to this pitiful creature that should not have been born.
Something happened though, in that moment. Something that even Delmer’s depraved mind couldn’t comprehend.
It spoke.
“You’re going to Hell Delmer. Your soul is going to be raped, your brain replaced with nothing but writhing maggots. You’ll be impaled on the endless and barbed horns of the great one. Forever. Split right down the middle, split in two. An eternity of agony.”
The tiny creature clacked its teeth together maniacally, cackling as it continued, in its garbled and inhuman voice. Delmer was frozen in silence.
“It’s already begun. For eons you’ve been tortured, chewed up and spit out. Forced to relive the evil deeds that placed you here. Your soul is black. Unclean. The kind we love. In that empty world of twisted hills and encroaching dark, you’ll wander and wander. Searching for hope and relief. All you’ll find is torment. We have your mother. Your cousin too.”
The thing’s voice took on an excited lilt as it spoke those last words. A blackened tongue emerged from between its lips, running back and forth across yellowed teeth. Delmer didn’t like to think about his mother or that cousin. He felt his bladder start to lose control.
“They’re suffering too Delmer, that’s all we ever do really. We suffer and we hurt. It’s because of them that the hollow world lives between your ears. We are going to tear your flesh off strip by strip and watch you eat it. You’re a vile creature, just like me. ”
Delmer screamed. He flung the thing to the ground with all his might, and it landed with a wet thud. That didn’t stop it.
It lifted its head and stared at Delmer, that hideous visage glaring up at him from the pile of smashed gore that was once its body.
“You can’t save yourself Delmer. You’re a damned sinner , and sinners reap what they sow!”
The scant few kids who hadn’t had the mental capacity to run watched in abject horror as the bug eyed demon suddenly began rising from the earth. All the mutilated animal parts - the mother pigs guts and the blood slicked bodies of the awful pig creature’s brethren - they coalesced into a terrible form. A mass of viscera in the vague shape of a humanoid.
Delmer screamed as the thing lurched forward, stretching out a long and appendage-like strip of dripping entrails. The wet spot on his jeans grew. In one swift movement, the thing spread itself apart and engulfed Delmer. He was covered head to toe in that horrible mess. Stuck inside of it.
The children could see him, writhing and pushing from inside the thing. Trying futilely to escape.
The pig creature clacked its teeth even more frantically. It suddenly let out a deep and guttural wail, loud enough to split the sky. The movement from within ceased.
It stared at the kids with those bulging, leaking eyes. Wide smile growing so large that it eclipsed its diminutive face, tearing the skin as it opened its mouth again to speak.
“I will come for each and every one of you, come in the night when your parents can’t protect you. I’ll make you feel every ounce of agony that the suffering souls of the endless void have endured for eons. This pain and bloodshed is absolute, and the screaming of tortured children will ring out and echo up to the ebony sky of the hollow world. Delmer doesn’t live here anymore.”
Then, it exploded. Chunks of wet meat flew in every direction, splattering the chicken coop and the barn and the children’s faces.
Mass panic ensured. The children finally dispersed and ran from the farmhouse for the comparative safety of anywhere else on earth. Through their tears and their horror, they screamed a single word.
Devil.
Gramps took a long swig from his beer as I stared at him in disbelief. It was another horror story, a terrible tale of horror and evil. Animal torturers and real life devils.
I had to ask.
“Well… then what happened? What happened with the farm? And to all those kids?”
Gramps signed. “Well, I was already grown and on my own back when this mess first happened. Only really heard about it third hand at the time. Those kids that were there with Delmer Wurlick that day had a real fear in ‘em. Little shits. Got home and told their mommies and daddies everything. Ah, the sheriff cleaned up the mess at Enis’ farm. Burnt the place down not long after. Just didn’t seem like the energy was any good there. All that death and bloodshed.”
I swallowed nervously, saying nothing and allowing Gramps to continue.
“No one much missed Delmer, not even ol’ Bill. Boy’s own father. So I can’t tell you there was a concerted effort to really solve the mystery of whatever bad forces grabbed the little prick that day.”
I could already sense that there was more to this bizarre tale. An epilogue, a postscript.
“But ya see fuckface,” Gramps’ voice sounded tired now. “Ever since that day, every year around October, we see one a’them things.”
My expression must’ve been quizzical, because Gramps clarified
“A bad sow.”
My eyes widened.
“Yep, every autumn a female pig’ll push out a litter, and at least one’a those little bastards’ll have bulgin’ eyes and fleshy horns and rows and rows of square yellow teeth.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “But I mean… what do people do with them?” I asked.
Gramps stared at me like he thought I must’ve been stone stupid to ask that question. “Well, we pull ‘em away from the littler and take ‘em behind the barn and we…” Gramps trailed off, his gaze leaving me to settle on the hogs once again. “We do what we need to do.”
“I think Delmer Wurlick brought the devil to Vernon that day, fuckface. Only, the devil never really left.”
Gramps suddenly stood, stretching his legs and groaning as he straightened his back.
I was still comprehending the insanity of what I’d just heard, and stared up at him from my seated position.
“Folk around here though, we always try our best to keep those things in check. Mind our own and deal with the problems as they come. Delmer Wurlick was just a kid but, I reckon he deserved what he got. If you go lookin’ for hell, eventually the devil’s gonna find you.”
Gramps was still gazing out at the pigs when he realized I was still cemented to the ground. “Well god damn fuckface, hop to it. Story time’s over, got a job to finish.”
I leapt to my feet, nodding. I ran my hand over the back of my neck as we made our way back to the pig pen, back to the shit.
Gramps chuckled under his breath. “A’course,” he said with a devilish wink, “who’s to say folk always find the bad sow in time?”
My heart stopped, skin went pale.
Gramps laughed louder now as he withdrew our shovels from the manure pile and thrust mine into my hand.
I didn’t pay much attention to Gramps or the farm or the stench of shit the rest of that work day though. My mind was elsewhere as we shoveled that stinking slop.
I couldn’t possibly focus on anything but the lone pregnant sow wandering about Uncle Russ’ pens. Pink belly full and protruding.
Sure to soon give birth to a happy and healthy litter of beautiful little piglets.

Tried a little something different with this one